Some recent studies have shown that some children, despite having two parents in the home, see as little of their parents as if their parents were divorced. In fact, they may see less of them, since divorced parents often set aside large quantities of times during visitations. When the parents live with their children, they sometimes fail to realize that it is just as important to make time for their children as it would be if they only saw them every other weekend.
Today, many companies demand or accept long hours of employment, worked weekends, and even work taken home in the evenings and on vacations. In time, the job can become the center of a parents’ world, with children being fitted in when there is time. With parents who face long commutes, long hours of overtime, and a briefcase full of work brought home there is little time to devote to playing with and listening to children. Cell phones have made it easier for companies to keep employees working around the clock.
We often hear parents of adult children warning us that childhood is short. It doesn’t seem that short when we’re exhausted after a long day of parenting, but it is. There comes a time when the middle of the night feedings, the sick children, the tantrums, and the constant demands for attention come to an end. In time, we look back and wonder why we were so anxious for more “me” time, why spending extra hours building our career mattered more than spending extra hours playing on the floor with our little ones, and why we didn’t notice the fun times more.
While it is important to have a job that pays the bills, we need to give careful thought to how much money we really need and what we are willing to sacrifice for that income. The time we sacrifice can’t be gotten back and the children who grow up will stay grown up. We can’t get back the hours we spent at work when we suddenly realize we missed our children’s childhoods.
Many parents say they are doing it for their children. When I was a teenager, I became friends with some teens from a wealthy neighborhood. Their parents were always working and the teens were always with nannies as children and alone as teens. One of them explained to me when she wanted to pay my way to something, “In our neighborhood, we all have plenty of money. Our parents give us money instead of giving us themselves.” They liked the things they were able to buy, but they all would have gladly given it up for more time with their parents.
When first choosing our careers, we have many options. Some of those options require long hours of work. Some don’t. We should not think only of what we’d enjoy doing or what would bring the most income, but also of what impact it will someday have on our families. We can accustom ourselves to not having everything we want and to keeping our material desires small. That way, we won’t miss what we never had. We discover we can be perfectly happy in a modest home with inexpensive clothing and simple luxuries.
My daughter, at age three, told an adult who said we must find it hard to live on such a tight budget, “You have to choose if you want children or money. In our family, we choose children.”