A look at the Pew Report,  Research and Demographic Trends, tells me I’m not alone in this predicament. Many mothers are torn between spending time with their children and having to work. I’m only at work part time, but many moms work full time. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 59% of women now work or are actively seeking employment.  This definitely can put a damper on the fun stuff for summer.

“The Lord knows … that through circumstances beyond their control, some mothers are faced with the added responsibility of earning a living. These women have God’s blessing, for he knows of their anguish and their struggle.”

As Christian families, we have all been admonished, exhorted, and counseled from many sources on how important parents and children are in a family. We all want to learn to get along with each other and we know the end goal of where we want to be after our life on earth has finished.

From The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often inadvertently referred to as the “Mormon Church”), President Boyd K Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke to the youth on January 22, 2013, during the 100 Years in Seminary broadcast. He said “Our youth are being raised in enemy territory. . . . he (the adversary) is in homes, entertainment, the media, language—everything around you” (“How to Survive in Enemy Territory”). That is a scary statement. As parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents—we need to arm our youth with the gospel of Jesus Christ and be good examples. We also need good role models so our youth will have someone to look up to as a righteous disciple of Christ.

Ephesians 6:11–12 says:

Put on the whole armor of God that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

 

As parents we all wrestle against the powers of darkness. We are dealing with difficulties which are particular to our day. This armor is helpful to all of us. Verse 13 of the same chapter says: “Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” With Paul’s great wisdom –we can all withstand the evil of the day.

Imagine a full body of armor as we would see back from the Middle Ages. Each piece has a special purpose. Ephesians tells us what each of these pieces of armor can mean in a spiritual battle:

Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel ofpeace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Former President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ, Harold B. Lee, spoke to Brigham Young University students back in 1954 about this very topic and said, “We have four parts of the body that are the most vulnerable to the powers of darkness. The loins, typifying virtue, chastity [girt about with truth]; the heart, typifying our conduct [breastplate and shield]; our feet, our goals or objectives in life [are shod with preparation of the gospel of peace]; and finally, our head, our thoughts [helmet] (“Feet Shod with the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace,” Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [Provo, 9 Nov. 1954), pp. 2-7]).

As parents we need to concentrate on these areas, creating an armor which will withstand the arrows and darts of darkness. I would like to touch on how we can work on each of these areas of armor to help our children protect themselves with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Loins Girt about with Truth

The scriptures are our truth which we need to read each day as a family. We find truth by attending our church meetings and by reading the scriptures and other uplifting, inspirational materials. In all these places we are spiritually uplifted and arm ourselves against the fiery darts of the wicked.

President Packer admonished the youth in his seminary address, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom . . . with all [your] getting, get [going!]” There is wisdom in listening to our prophets. One piece of wisdom and truth comes from “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” This piece of scripture reminds us what we can do as parents to keep our families intact and happy.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Now this wasn’t written to make parents feel guilty; this was written to remind us of what is important. As M. Russell Ballard, Apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ, tells us, the proclamation “is a clarion call to protect and strengthen families” (“What Matters Most Is What Lasts the Longest,” General Conference, October 2005). A clarion is an ancient trumpet with a curved shape, many times used for a battle call. This visual metaphor is appropriate, as we are in a battle for our families to be protected. There are so many sources from the gospel of Jesus Christ that we can use, and “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” is just one of them.

Breastplate of Righteousness

The topical guide for “righteousness” in the LDS version of the Bible has many alternative entries:

·         Equity

·         God, Perfection of

·         God, the Standard of Righteousness

·         Godliness

·         Good Works

·         Holiness

·         Honesty

·         Integrity

·         Judgment

·         Priesthood, Qualifying for

·         Righteous

·         Sanctification

·         Truth

·         Uprightness

·         Walking with God

Those are a lot of words describing righteousness, but one word in particular really sums it all up: sanctification. This word best describes what the breastplate of righteousness means. If we are sanctified, then we want to be righteous and we can be guided by the Spirit in what we should be doing. The breastplate also guards the heart which we either make righteous or unrighteous by our actions.

Feet Shod with the Preparation of the Gospel of Peace

President Lee continued in his address, “And then he [meaning Paul] said we would have the feet shod with the kind of armor that would protect our feet, suggesting the feet as the objectives, the goals of life which we should have guided by some kind of armor and protected from getting off on the wrong foot.”

We all have a purpose. We all know that eventually, if we keep our covenants, we will return back to our Heavenly Father’s presence with our families around us. We all want to be there, so we need our purpose right in front of us. With our feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, we can walk in the right direction being protected from the darts of wickedness.

Shield of Faith

The shield protecting us can help shield us from spiritual wickedness. Faith is an ongoing process. We start out with just a tiny seed of faith, and as we continue to attend our meetings, pray every day, and read our scriptures, this faith will grow and we can hold our shield out in front of us to fend off temptation.

Helmet of Salvation

The helmet covers our head. Our thoughts should be disciplined to be kind to others. Our thoughts are important because as we think, so we also do. Keeping our thoughts with the goal of righteous living in front of us helps us as families to stay righteous. A righteous king from the Book of Mormon (a companion book of scripture to the Bible) warns us to watch our thoughts. He says,  “But this much I can tell you, that if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not” (Mosiah 4:30).

Our Father in Heaven wants us to be successful. He wants us to be happy, so He gives us these tools to help us teach our children.

Sword of the Spirit

The sword of the Spirit is the word of God and is essential to our armor. We can find the word of God in our scriptures as we read each day to find encouraging words to keep us safe.

How important we are as parents. We are entrusted with special spirits from our Father in Heaven. Sherri Dew, a former leader in the General Relief Society (a world-wide women’s organization of The Church of Jesus Christ) said: “If we could unleash the full influence of covenant-keeping women, the kingdom of God and the world would change overnight” (BYU Women’s Conference 2008).

That is an incredible statement. If we all lived up to our potential as parents, how wonderful this world would be in fighting the adversary. Many of us do wonderful jobs teaching and helping our own children live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Many of us follow all the teachings of the gospel as best we can and still have children who choose a painful path. All we can do is be a positive force in their life so they know we love them.

Proverbs 22:6 promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Families can be protected while living in enemy territory. We can recognize the adversary in our lives and choose the better path. With the help of the armor of God in all areas of our life, we can encourage and support each other in our families to make good choices and set a good example for others who are struggling.

Both parties—but especially women, given the statistical averages— should be aware that their partner may not be committed to a common future. A long-term cohabiting relationship may prove to be an obstacle, rather than a springboard, to many young people’s goal of getting married and starting a family. [1]

Commitment Before Cohabitation

 Wilcox has a word of caution for young adults who are considering moving in together: Talk about the future and make sure you’re both on the same page. “Defining the commitment in the relationship is a matter best addressed before co-signing a lease,” he wrote. If couples really want to give their relationship a chance to succeed, they have to do the work required. Wilcox wrote:

Couples are more likely to flourish when they share common, clearly communicated goals for their relationship. But given the disparate purposes cohabitation now serves—different people see it variously as a courtship phase, an economical way to save on rent, a venue for convenient sex, a prelude to getting serious, or an alternative to marriage—young adults often end up living with someone who doesn’t share their relational goals. Couples considering living together would be wise to talk through the goals they want to accomplish in that move, and make sure they are on the same page. [1]

Research by psychologists Scott Stanley and Galena Rhoades back this up. Citing their research, Wilcox wrote:

Cohabiting couples are in for trouble when they “slide” into cohabitation and then marriage rather than “decide” to take the same steps. …

Women who cohabit prior to engagement are about 40 percent more likely to divorce, compared to those who do not cohabit. By contrast, couples who cohabit after an engagement do not face a higher divorce risk. Those who cohabit only after engagement or marriage also report higher marital quality, not just lower odds of divorce. Stanley and Rhoades think that “sliders” are more likely than “deciders” to cohabit prior to an engagement, and to have trouble in their marriage if they go on to tie the knot. On the other hand, couples who deliberately choose to move in together after a public engagement or wedding are more likely to enjoy the shared commitment that will enable their relationship to last. [1]

Couples who live together without tying the knot are twice as likely to break up compared to those who are married, according to Wilcox. He said, “Marriage is an institution that is surrounded by legal, religious and cultural meanings that people tend to take more seriously.” [2]

Children Suffer in These Unstable Unions

The other dynamic that often comes into play with cohabitating couples is the children produced in these unstable unions. More than half of all births to American women under the age of 30 were to unwed mothers. And two-thirds of all babies born in the United States are to women under 30. Often, the mother is cohabitating at the time she gives birth. [2]

This trend raises serious concerns for the children involved. According to Child Trend’s 2012 report:

There are several reasons to be concerned about the high level of nonmarital childbearing. Couples who have children outside of marriage are younger, less healthy and less educated than are married couples who have children. Children born outside of marriage tend to grow up with limited financial resources, to have less stability in their lives because their parents are more likely to split up and form new unions, and to have cognitive and behavioral problems such as aggression and depression. [2]

Even children living with both unwed biological parents, they are “more likely to be poor and to face multiple risks to their health and development,” the report said. [2]

When biological parents part ways and bring new partners in the picture, this also increases the risks for children, and the statistics are sobering. Citing the Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, minister Wayne Stocks wrote:

In the instance of physical abuse, children living with a single parent are 3.1 times more likely to be abused at a rate of 5.9 per thousand compared to 1.9 per thousand for married biological parents. Children in “Other Married Parent” families are 5.2 times more likely to be physically abused, and those kids living with a single parent and their cohabiting partner are an astounding 10.1 times more likely to be physically abused than children living with married biological parents. [3]

Marriage is Fundamental for Family Stability

Sociologists and other researchers are clear: Children fare the best when raised by two married, biological parents. Nearly 20 years ago, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—sometimes inadvertently called the Mormon Church—took a stand on marriage and family relations in The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

… Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. … Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.

Elder Russell M. Nelson, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles—with the First Presidency, the governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ—said:

The family is the most important social unit in time and in eternity. Under God’s great plan of happiness, families can be sealed in temples and be prepared to return to dwell in His holy presence forever. That is eternal life! It fulfills the deepest longings of the human soul—the natural yearning for endless association with beloved members of one’s family. [4]

The late Gordon B. Hinckley, then-president of The Church of Jesus Christ, said:

A nation will rise no higher than the strength of its homes. If you want to reform a nation, you begin with families, with parents who teach their children principles and values that are positive and affirmative and will lead them to worthwhile endeavors. [5]

Workforce Discrimination Against Mothers

The study was done by Cornell University professors of sociology Shelly Cornell, Stephan Bernard and In Paik. In a lab setting, they gave employers two resumes from women who had identical skills and experience, but differing parental status. They were asked to select one for entry-level professional positions. Employers rated the woman with children as being less committed to her job and even less qualified—without having met or interviewed the women and despite the clearly identical qualifications on paper. Women without children were 1.8 times more likely to receive a recommendation for hiring, and if hired, were given lower salaries than the non-parental women. The study showed that men received the reverse treatment—being a father was considered a bonus that made a man more committed to his job.

When the researchers took the experiment into the real world, sending these resumes to actual companies, the results were even more dramatic. Women without children received 2.1 times more callbacks from their resumes than women with children. Men with children received 1.7 times more callbacks than men who did not have them.

In addition to simple discrimination, women returning to the workforce after taking time off to raise their children are often told their skills are too outdated, or they may face age discrimination. Many people today are skeptical of anyone who has been unemployed for any time at all. These all create limitations for women who want to give their child or children the benefit of mom always at home while they are young, but who then wish to return to work.

Overcoming Discrimination When Returning to the Workforce

It is important to remember that it is illegal for an employer in the United States to ask about parental status, and prospective employees do not need to volunteer the information. That said, many employers today review a person’s online and social media presence, and marital and parental status may be revealed there. However, job seekers should not include this information on resumes or discuss it in an interview without considering how to word it so as to not reveal that you have children still in the home.

While at home, women can keep their skills updated. Even a half hour per day spent working on essential job skills, reading industry publications, and keeping up with current developments can make it easier to return later. You will need to be able to show you are current in the field, even if you have not worked in it recently.

It is also important to continue the networking process by attending school reunions, joining networking groups (and not bringing children to meetings), and staying in touch with former coworkers or managers.

Many women discover during their time away that their interests change. They develop new interests and hobbies, often as a result of helping their children learn something. Parenting brings with it new skills and priorities as well. Women returning to the workforce should recognize that they have the option of starting a new career. It may be related to something they’ve done before or it may be entirely new. While at home, they can begin to build credentials in small ways and to develop contacts in the field.

Self-employment is an option many women at home select as a way to remain in the home while bringing in income. When you’re ready to return to work, that small business can become a full-time business or it can provide a way to explain your absence from the workforce without mentioning children. No one will know you worked at your home business just a few hours a week. Registering the business, creating a website for it, and keeping up your LinkedIn profile will lend credibility to your claim of self-employment, since many employers will research to see if you appear to have really been self-employed.

It is helpful to begin to think about how to make a re-entry early in your parenting years so you can begin to build your re-entry platform. You may change directions from time to time, but a plan keeps you moving forward should you decide to return to work someday.

Read more about how the workforce treats mothers.

My husband’s ancestor was an immigrant to the United States from England in the early 1800’s.  Leaving great wealth, societal status and armed with an exemplary, classic education, he left his home to be a sailor and travel the world.  After many adventures in different places, whaling in the Arctic, living in Tahiti and other experiences, he found religion in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often inadvertently called the “Mormon Church”) and eventually became a pioneer and trekked to Utah.

Visiting the museum we saw wonderful photos, objects, and even saw a professional film made about his life.  We were given a private, after-hours tour by a museum guide whom we found out was related to my husband. Her passion and love for this history of her family was evident.  We learned about their daily lives and saw some of their clothing and furniture.  It was amazing to me how much harder it was to live then and the work that the family had to put in to survive.  The beautiful sewing, quilting, and weaving work done by my husband’s great great grandmother especially impressed me.

Leaving the museum, and for many days after, I have pondered my experience there.  Just from my short experience in the home of our antecedent, my heart has burst with pride and belonging.  Though I am not a direct relative, I am fully committed and excited to teach my children about whom they are descended from and who has gone before them.  I realized that in having children with my husband one day, I would be continuing this man and woman’s great work and adding to their huge posterity and family.  It fills my soul with happiness and pride to think of this.  I know I am going to teach my children about the sacrifices their ancestors made, and the contributions they made to the world.

Knowing Our Family History Gives us Belonging

I am excited to teach my children about the skills their ancestors had. I now want to learn how to sew and weave so I can pass that family skill on.  I am learning that family and ancestry is vital to our identity and provides great belonging and purpose in our lives.

Linda and Richard Eyre wrote about this “family belonging” and identity in a recent article in the Deseret News.  They said:

The more transitory and mobile our society and our broader culture become, the less root structure we have as individuals. It used to be that families stayed in one location, and that kids stayed in one school. It used to be that communities had longevity, and long-term family friends helped each other in the raising of their children. Cousins and uncles and aunts were part of the formula, and grandparents were close by, if not in the same house.

Now we move more often, live further from our relatives and are all part of a much more fluid dynamic. Kids often don’t have clear answers for who they are or where they are from, and feelings of insecurity and even isolation can be the result.

But it shouldn’t be that way, and it doesn’t have to be. Parents can create a powerful culture of belonging and of connection and of identity, and the keys to the culture are roots and rituals, family ties and traditions.

Additionally, kids can feel a strong sense of identity through knowing, quite literally and genetically, where they came from…

…In an age when we are all aware of identity theft, we need to also be aware of identity ownership and of the fact that it does not come automatically to children. They need the gift of a strong and personal identity, and parents are the ones who can give it.

Do you know why kids join gangs? It is because they so badly need (in fact, they crave) an identity larger than themselves. They join for the “uniforms,” for the colors, for the tattoos, for the secret handshakes and the symbols. They join for the belonging. They join for the rituals and the traditions.

Our children’s larger-than-self identities, of course, should come from family. The traditions that we develop and the rituals we follow within our homes are the key to that identity, and the glue that holds families together.

Knowing Our Family History Gives Us Identity

Monte J. Brough spoke of finding one’s identity through family in 1995:

Among the magnificent and abundant teachings of President Howard W. Hunter is this assertion, “The greatest search of our time is the search for personal identity and for human dignity.”

This search for personal identity is essentially a search for role models that can become instructive in the conduct of our lifestyles. With only a few exceptions, a young person cannot find adequate role models among those in athletics, entertainment, or commercial music. Not only do these public figures fail to provide positive examples, but they are often the exact inverse of the type of role models that are acceptable to most of us. Access to these contemporary icons is expensive and unproductive. We are almost always disappointed when we come to witness the shallow and murky standards by which the public heaps its praise. No wonder the public areas of so many cities and towns are crowded with young people who are possessed with these same shallow and murky standards of personal behavior.

Yet there is an abundance of role models who can be found much closer and who can have much deeper influence upon each one of us. Most of us, with relatively little effort and much less cost, can provide for our families a veritable list of important role models. This list can be created from a modest search into the lives of our ancestors.

Through my searching of my family history on both sides, I personally have felt a deep kinship to those who have gone before me.  I have found similarities with family that has gone before me and this work has given me great identity and purpose.  I have found that I feel the choices I make in life have greater importance now that I know more about where I came from.  And that is just the point.

Studies Support the Importance of Fathers

Studies, in fact, show that children who do not have their fathers in their lives suffer serious consequences. Children whose fathers are involved in their educations have better school performance, higher IQs, and better language skills. Their literacy skills are higher and their behavior is better. Involved fatherhood leads to children with more compassion, a better understanding of gender roles, and better decision-making skills.

Children whose father has a good relationship with their mother and who spends time with her have better emotional health. Boys who see their fathers treating their mothers well are more likely to have successful romantic relationships as adults and to treat women with respect. Girls with this type of father are less likely to enter or remain in an abusive relationship. Studies show that children whose fathers are married to the mothers of their children are more likely to achieve the positive outcomes outlined above.

(See Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children’s Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey., Wilcox, W. Bradford, The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children Year Published: 2006.)

Unfortunately, despite the overwhelming research that proves that children need and benefit from strong fathers, society has launched an attack on fathers. It has made a selfish and false argument that children need a parent, but that any parent will do. The truth is that children need a father and a mother and when those two parents are their natural parents, the outcomes are better than when the adults are not. This is not to say that stepfathers and single mothers don’t play important roles in the lives of the children. A stepfather or adoptive father can provide the role-modeling and emotional support a child needs from a man. However, in the best-case scenario, children also have their natural fathers in their lives. When that best-case scenario is not possible, stepfathers and adoptive fathers can make a world of difference to a child.

Both Fathers and Mothers Are Needed as Role Models

Regardless, however, children need both a male and female parent to provide appropriate role-modeling and to demonstrate gender behaviors. Studies have shown that men and women parent differently, and so having one parent of each gender gives children a balance that is what God had in mind when He determined that children dould be born only with the participation of each gender.

The media often portrays fathers as bumbling and incompetent, something to laugh about. By doing so, they encourage the myth that fathers are unnecessary or only useful for entertainment. We need to start showing more respect for fatherhood if we want men to take their fatherhood roles seriously and if we want women to put a father into their children’s lives. Women need to be taught the importance of selecting good fathers for their children—ultimately, they have control over that choice and so they need to be taught how to recognize a potentially good father before they themselves become adults.

Society has to move away from pretending fathers are an unimportant part of a child’s life if we want to have any possibility of changing the world. World-changing begins with family-changing and that begins with mothers and fathers protecting both roles as sacred and essential. It also requires both men and women who understand the importance of fatherhood to teach those who do not understand. They need to provide the role-modeling children (and adults) do not have from their own fathers and to not be afraid to talk about fatherhood as a wonderful role for a man.

It’s time to celebrate fatherhood—not to pretend it’s an obsolete role in a child’s life.

“In my opinion, members of the Church have the most effective cure for our decaying family life. It is for men, women, and children to honor and respect the divine roles of both fathers and mothers in the home. In so doing, mutual respect and appreciation among the members of the Church will be fostered by the righteousness found there” (James E. Faust, “Fathers, Come Home,” April 1993, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

New LDS Website Deals with Same-Sex Attraction

A few months ago, The Church of Jesus Christ launched a website called Love One Another: A Discussion on Same Sex Attraction with the idea of bringing all people together on an emotionally charged topic and discussing how we, a part of the human family, can better treat each other as children of a loving Heavenly Father.

 
As it was reported on this website, The Church of Jesus Christ continues its stand as the following:

The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

 

The survival of the family depends on our stand in this matter. Though we are all loved by God, our society needs to promote and protect the marriage between a man and a woman as this institution promotes morality and virtue as written in the “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

Being committed to a marriage between a man and a woman and inviting children into the family provides a secure setting for families to grow in righteousness and virtue and enables the future of righteousness in the family in our society.

 
Church spokesman Michael Purdy was quoted as saying:

Being committed to marriage between a man and a woman does not mean that we do not love and care for all of God’s children.

We all do care for one another as a people. We want the best for each other in education, employment opportunity and entertainment. We enjoy freedoms within the borders of our country which allows the American people life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The LDS Church is not the only religious organization who believes that a man and woman constitute a couple in matrimony. There are many others who have spoken out in defense of traditional marriage.

Earlier this year, other church leaders from different faiths joined The Church of Jesus Christ in advocating traditional marriage in an open letter to all Americans.  In this letter, titled “Marriage and Religious Freedom: Fundamental Goods That Stand or Fall Together,” it was stated that “the promotion and protection of marriage — the union of one man and one woman as husband and wife — is a matter of the common good and serves the wellbeing of the couple, of children, of civil society and all people.”

Which Way Is God’s Way?

As devoted Christians, we need to remember the plan our Father in Heaven has for us.  We can love one another and yet still remember the importance of continuing the institution of the family and marriage between a man and a woman. From a wonderful article posted in the Meridian Magazine, “A Letter to Same Sex Advocates,” Jim Smith makes a valid point when he says: “No matter the intellectual acrobatics one might undertake to avoid it, marriage is God’s eternal standard and it is His to define.  Any action or philosophy we may espouse to the contrary in this ignorant present can only be seen as the whining of a petulant child or the height of arrogance”.

 
Jim Smith says:  “A man cannot replace a mother without robbing a child of a mother’s love. A woman cannot replace a father without robbing a child of a father’s love. They are not the same, and to argue that they are, or that children do not need one or the other, is intellectual dishonesty of the highest order.”

We need the institution of marriage to carry on forever into the future.  We need men and women to be legally and lawfully married and understand the importance of their powers of creation. We need to ponder these important decisions and understand what God has in store for us to save our society regardless of how politically charged it is.

Additional Resources:

Valerie Steimle’s Website – Strengthen Your Home

The Divine Institution of Marriage

Love One Another: A Discussion on Same -Sex Attraction

Patriotism – An Important Family Virtue

Sometimes patriotism seems like a fad whenever the country needs a unified people to boast, posting flags and patriotic quotes. Keeping thoughts of a unified country utmost in the minds of its countrymen has always been a positive force in any countries’ history and it should be in ours.  Patriotism is a unifying force which shouldn’t be an inconvenience or a fad to show how our citizens are devoted to our country.

Patriotism is an important family virtue. Our children need to learn respect for the flag, respect for the veterans of past wars and what they have done for our country.  They need to learn the U.S. Constitution and remember what it stands for.  Our children need to remember to stand at attention when our National Anthem is played and pledge their allegiance to the flag each day at school.  It is so important to pass down these attributes so that patriotism can be carried on into future generations.  It’s not a matter of blindly following government regulations whether right or wrong, as past world dictators expected.  It’s instilling a reverence in our children to be passed down from one generation to another in remembering the importance of our country’s history, the heroism of those who died to protect our country, and how to retire an old flag.

Teaching Our Children about Patriotism

Through books and movies, Americans are reminded of the great sacrifices our parents, grandparents and generations before have made in keeping this country free.  With the help of concerned parents, all children can learn to be devoted to their country and learn the importance of patriotism.

Here are a few ideas which can help parents teach their children about patriotism:

1. Post a U.S. Flag: Buy a flag kit and hang it on the front of the house, and teach children to be respectful of it.  The flag should never touch the ground and should always be removed when raining or at night unless there is a light on it.  When the flag is being carried at parades, everyone should stand, remove any hats and place their right hand over their heart as it goes by.  Discussing the respect we should have for our country’s flag can help children be more reverent of this great symbol.

2. Vote: The best way for children to learn about the importance of their country’s leadership is if their parent’s vote.  Explain, and include children in the voting process.  Discuss how important we are in choosing our national, state, and local leaders who make decisions for our country.

3. Be Involved in Community: Attending patriotic events and joining the Boy Scouts of America are just two ideas for instilling patriotism in children.  Every year most communities have a patriotic service for Independence Day and this instills feelings of devotion and respect for our nation’s history. Make a fun day of it and children will respond.  Join in singing the national anthem at ball games and other events and attend Veteran Day activities for children to meet those who fought to save our freedoms. The Boy Scouts of America is a fun way for boys to understand patriotism and learn the importance of taking care of our flags.

Instilling these patriotic ideals is an investment for the future. While some might feel patriotism is not necessary in these times, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Families need to remember the importance of our nation and its history and revere the flag. Include honoring our veterans for their sacrifice for freedom, and families can instill the importance of patriotism for years to come.

Additional Resources:

Declaration of Dependence: Teaching Patriotism in the Home

But Watchman, What of the Night?

For almost four decades, studies have consistently shown that children grow up better when they have a father in the home and suffer the most when their father is not present at all and there is no other father figure. The role of the father, while not more important than the role of the mother, is essential. “…Research consistently shows that the married mother-and-father family is a better environment for raising children than the cohabitating (living together) mother-and-father family.” (See The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children, Author(s): Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children’s Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey Wilcox, W. Bradford, Year Published: 2006.)

Fathers Improve Children’s Outcomes

Studies show that daughters without fathers in their lives are more likely to become pregnant as teens and to suffer from depression. A British study showed children of both genders were more likely to do well in school and to stay out of trouble if they had a father in their lives.

The article explains:

The Department of Health and Human Services summarizes a father’s vital role this way: “Involved fathers provide practical support in raising children and serve as models for their development. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. Committed and responsible fathering during infancy and early childhood contributes emotional security, curiosity, and math and verbal skills.”

 

Men and women parent differently and these differences offer children a chance to see multiple ways of handling problems and also let them see how two people work out those differences so they are on the same page. The differences in male and female parenting are designed to complement each other so the child has a more balanced childhood—mothers protect while fathers challenge, for instance.

Fathers Are Not Just Second Adults

Because there is a clear need to reassure mothers who must raise children alone, we sometimes minimize the importance a father plays in a child’s life. While it’s not always possible to have that ideal situation and many mothers do an amazing job on their own, it is still important not to translate that into a belief that fathers are non-essential, because that is not true. They do play a critical role that cannot be filled by someone else in an exact way, although others can, without question, help lessen the challenges.

Men provide a role-model for the male life and character to both their sons and their daughters. When the parents are married, they demonstrate appropriate relationships in marriage. Children who are rejected by a biological parent often struggle with self-esteem issues. In the best of all situations, children are raised by both their biological parents.

Sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, an expert on fatherhood, is quoted in the above government report as saying, “Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home. Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.”

Mormons teach parents that God planned for children to have both a mother and a father, which is why He started the world with Adam and Eve. They issued a proclamation on families that clearly outlines God’s plans for families, which include a mother and a father working together as a team to raise their children.

Additional Resource:

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The Pioneering Change Agent

One definition of the word “pioneer” is, “one who opens up new areas of thought, research, or development.” In that sense, a pioneer is an innovator. He discovers and introduces new ideas which may differ somewhat from the established norm, but if adhered to, could cause positive change to occur in the lives of others. And so, it may also be said that a pioneer is a change agent, or a person who acts as a catalyst for change.

Change Agents Influence the Lives of Others

I am a pioneer in the sense that I am the only person in my immediate family who is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently referred to as the Mormon Church by the media and others.) As such, I am also a change agent, and have been given an awesome responsibility by my Heavenly Father to set the example and to lead my family down the path that I have been blessed to discover, that leads to the knowledge of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. If they would follow that path, they too could come to know the joy and the happiness that the gospel brings to a person’s life.

Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ, however, does not mean that my responsibilities end with just my family, but rather, as a change agent for the Lord Jesus Christ, I am reminded:

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your alight so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:14-16).

Another of my favorite passages of scripture that serves as a proverbial compass as I walk along life’s path is found in 1 Peter 3:15-17. These verses have become my life verses as it were:

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.

For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.

As I strive to live my life as a living witness and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I often reflect upon the words recorded in verse 15, “. . . . be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you.”  The greatest message of hope that we can share with anyone is the gospel of Jesus Christ, and so I must be ready to always give an answer to all that ask me of the hope that is within me.

Steps to Preparing to Give an Answer of the Hope that is in me

There are several steps that I can take to ensure that I am always ready to give an answer of that inward hope.

• Be a diligent student of the Word

Elder L. Tom Perry, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (the second highest governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ) has taught, “The scriptures that are never read will never help us” (“Born of Goodly Parents,” Ensign, May 1985, p. 23). It is very difficult to teach someone about something if we have not adequately prepared ourselves by studying the subject that we are apt to teach. The scriptures are our guide or compass as we travel the pathways of life.

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success (Joshua 1:8).

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).

• Memorize portions of Scripture

What better way to demonstrate the love that we have for the words of our Great Exemplar, the Lord Jesus Christ than by memorizing portions of those words. By so doing, we show others that we believe they are more than just words on a page, but we have written them upon our hearts and we testify that they are true. As the Psalmist declared in Psalm 119:11, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I may not sin against thee.”

• Be an example

The Apostle Paul exhorted his young son in the gospel, Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). Delbert L. Stapley who served as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ from 1950 to 1978 taught, “The way we live outweighs any words that we may profess to follow” (CR, October 1974, p.25). Harold B. Lee, 11th President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ taught,

You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure if you would rescue the man that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him to be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul (CR, April 1973, p.178).

There is no better way to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with non-member family and friends than by being a living example of the principles and doctrines that are taught therein. If others see that we strive to live the gospel, and that it brings joy and happiness, they too will want to follow in our footsteps to be able to experience that same joy and happiness.

• Acknowledge Christ in all things

In Proverbs 3:5-6 we are taught to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths.” Christ must always be our guide. He will shows us the paths that we must take and the way that we must go.

• Pray earnestly

Luke 18:1 tells us that “…men ought always to pray…” We must also remember that prayer is not one- way communication. At the end of our prayers we need to spend some quiet time just listening. Sometimes ideas flood our minds as we listen after our prayers. Sometimes feelings press upon us. A spirit of calmness assures us that all will be well. Joseph F. Smith, 6th President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ taught,

Do not forget to pray. Don’t suppose for a moment that you are as safe and secure in the favor of the Lord when you feel independent of Him as you will be if you feel your dependence upon Him all the day long (CR, April 1915, p.140).

• Endure to the end

In the Book of Mormon (a volume of scripture that is comparable to the Holy Bible and is Another Testament of Jesus Christ), in 1 Nephi 13:37 we learn:

And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be.

And in modern day revelation as recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 14:7 we are taught, “And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.”

I close with my testimony that the hope that is in me is Jesus Christ and the knowledge that His gospel is true. I am persuaded that as a pioneer member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for my family; as a light that shines before the world; as a change agent for the Lord Jesus Christ, as I strive to live my life as a living witness and testimony, others will want to follow in my footsteps to learn more of this blessed hope. The windows of opportunity are open and I am willing to do the work that the Father has sent me to do. That I may do so humbly and in accordance with His perfect will is my sincere prayer, in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Additional Resources:

Keith L. Brown – Mormon.org Profile

Basic Mormon Beliefs and Real Mormons

Request a Free Copy of the Book of Mormon