My husband’s ancestor was an immigrant to the United States from England in the early 1800’s.  Leaving great wealth, societal status and armed with an exemplary, classic education, he left his home to be a sailor and travel the world.  After many adventures in different places, whaling in the Arctic, living in Tahiti and other experiences, he found religion in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (often inadvertently called the “Mormon Church”) and eventually became a pioneer and trekked to Utah.

Visiting the museum we saw wonderful photos, objects, and even saw a professional film made about his life.  We were given a private, after-hours tour by a museum guide whom we found out was related to my husband. Her passion and love for this history of her family was evident.  We learned about their daily lives and saw some of their clothing and furniture.  It was amazing to me how much harder it was to live then and the work that the family had to put in to survive.  The beautiful sewing, quilting, and weaving work done by my husband’s great great grandmother especially impressed me.

Leaving the museum, and for many days after, I have pondered my experience there.  Just from my short experience in the home of our antecedent, my heart has burst with pride and belonging.  Though I am not a direct relative, I am fully committed and excited to teach my children about whom they are descended from and who has gone before them.  I realized that in having children with my husband one day, I would be continuing this man and woman’s great work and adding to their huge posterity and family.  It fills my soul with happiness and pride to think of this.  I know I am going to teach my children about the sacrifices their ancestors made, and the contributions they made to the world.

Knowing Our Family History Gives us Belonging

I am excited to teach my children about the skills their ancestors had. I now want to learn how to sew and weave so I can pass that family skill on.  I am learning that family and ancestry is vital to our identity and provides great belonging and purpose in our lives.

Linda and Richard Eyre wrote about this “family belonging” and identity in a recent article in the Deseret News.  They said:

The more transitory and mobile our society and our broader culture become, the less root structure we have as individuals. It used to be that families stayed in one location, and that kids stayed in one school. It used to be that communities had longevity, and long-term family friends helped each other in the raising of their children. Cousins and uncles and aunts were part of the formula, and grandparents were close by, if not in the same house.

Now we move more often, live further from our relatives and are all part of a much more fluid dynamic. Kids often don’t have clear answers for who they are or where they are from, and feelings of insecurity and even isolation can be the result.

But it shouldn’t be that way, and it doesn’t have to be. Parents can create a powerful culture of belonging and of connection and of identity, and the keys to the culture are roots and rituals, family ties and traditions.

Additionally, kids can feel a strong sense of identity through knowing, quite literally and genetically, where they came from…

…In an age when we are all aware of identity theft, we need to also be aware of identity ownership and of the fact that it does not come automatically to children. They need the gift of a strong and personal identity, and parents are the ones who can give it.

Do you know why kids join gangs? It is because they so badly need (in fact, they crave) an identity larger than themselves. They join for the “uniforms,” for the colors, for the tattoos, for the secret handshakes and the symbols. They join for the belonging. They join for the rituals and the traditions.

Our children’s larger-than-self identities, of course, should come from family. The traditions that we develop and the rituals we follow within our homes are the key to that identity, and the glue that holds families together.

Knowing Our Family History Gives Us Identity

Monte J. Brough spoke of finding one’s identity through family in 1995:

Among the magnificent and abundant teachings of President Howard W. Hunter is this assertion, “The greatest search of our time is the search for personal identity and for human dignity.”

This search for personal identity is essentially a search for role models that can become instructive in the conduct of our lifestyles. With only a few exceptions, a young person cannot find adequate role models among those in athletics, entertainment, or commercial music. Not only do these public figures fail to provide positive examples, but they are often the exact inverse of the type of role models that are acceptable to most of us. Access to these contemporary icons is expensive and unproductive. We are almost always disappointed when we come to witness the shallow and murky standards by which the public heaps its praise. No wonder the public areas of so many cities and towns are crowded with young people who are possessed with these same shallow and murky standards of personal behavior.

Yet there is an abundance of role models who can be found much closer and who can have much deeper influence upon each one of us. Most of us, with relatively little effort and much less cost, can provide for our families a veritable list of important role models. This list can be created from a modest search into the lives of our ancestors.

Through my searching of my family history on both sides, I personally have felt a deep kinship to those who have gone before me.  I have found similarities with family that has gone before me and this work has given me great identity and purpose.  I have found that I feel the choices I make in life have greater importance now that I know more about where I came from.  And that is just the point.

Studies Support the Importance of Fathers

Studies, in fact, show that children who do not have their fathers in their lives suffer serious consequences. Children whose fathers are involved in their educations have better school performance, higher IQs, and better language skills. Their literacy skills are higher and their behavior is better. Involved fatherhood leads to children with more compassion, a better understanding of gender roles, and better decision-making skills.

Children whose father has a good relationship with their mother and who spends time with her have better emotional health. Boys who see their fathers treating their mothers well are more likely to have successful romantic relationships as adults and to treat women with respect. Girls with this type of father are less likely to enter or remain in an abusive relationship. Studies show that children whose fathers are married to the mothers of their children are more likely to achieve the positive outcomes outlined above.

(See Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children’s Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey., Wilcox, W. Bradford, The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children Year Published: 2006.)

Unfortunately, despite the overwhelming research that proves that children need and benefit from strong fathers, society has launched an attack on fathers. It has made a selfish and false argument that children need a parent, but that any parent will do. The truth is that children need a father and a mother and when those two parents are their natural parents, the outcomes are better than when the adults are not. This is not to say that stepfathers and single mothers don’t play important roles in the lives of the children. A stepfather or adoptive father can provide the role-modeling and emotional support a child needs from a man. However, in the best-case scenario, children also have their natural fathers in their lives. When that best-case scenario is not possible, stepfathers and adoptive fathers can make a world of difference to a child.

Both Fathers and Mothers Are Needed as Role Models

Regardless, however, children need both a male and female parent to provide appropriate role-modeling and to demonstrate gender behaviors. Studies have shown that men and women parent differently, and so having one parent of each gender gives children a balance that is what God had in mind when He determined that children dould be born only with the participation of each gender.

The media often portrays fathers as bumbling and incompetent, something to laugh about. By doing so, they encourage the myth that fathers are unnecessary or only useful for entertainment. We need to start showing more respect for fatherhood if we want men to take their fatherhood roles seriously and if we want women to put a father into their children’s lives. Women need to be taught the importance of selecting good fathers for their children—ultimately, they have control over that choice and so they need to be taught how to recognize a potentially good father before they themselves become adults.

Society has to move away from pretending fathers are an unimportant part of a child’s life if we want to have any possibility of changing the world. World-changing begins with family-changing and that begins with mothers and fathers protecting both roles as sacred and essential. It also requires both men and women who understand the importance of fatherhood to teach those who do not understand. They need to provide the role-modeling children (and adults) do not have from their own fathers and to not be afraid to talk about fatherhood as a wonderful role for a man.

It’s time to celebrate fatherhood—not to pretend it’s an obsolete role in a child’s life.

“In my opinion, members of the Church have the most effective cure for our decaying family life. It is for men, women, and children to honor and respect the divine roles of both fathers and mothers in the home. In so doing, mutual respect and appreciation among the members of the Church will be fostered by the righteousness found there” (James E. Faust, “Fathers, Come Home,” April 1993, General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

For almost four decades, studies have consistently shown that children grow up better when they have a father in the home and suffer the most when their father is not present at all and there is no other father figure. The role of the father, while not more important than the role of the mother, is essential. “…Research consistently shows that the married mother-and-father family is a better environment for raising children than the cohabitating (living together) mother-and-father family.” (See The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children, Author(s): Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children’s Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey Wilcox, W. Bradford, Year Published: 2006.)

Fathers Improve Children’s Outcomes

Studies show that daughters without fathers in their lives are more likely to become pregnant as teens and to suffer from depression. A British study showed children of both genders were more likely to do well in school and to stay out of trouble if they had a father in their lives.

The article explains:

The Department of Health and Human Services summarizes a father’s vital role this way: “Involved fathers provide practical support in raising children and serve as models for their development. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. Committed and responsible fathering during infancy and early childhood contributes emotional security, curiosity, and math and verbal skills.”

 

Men and women parent differently and these differences offer children a chance to see multiple ways of handling problems and also let them see how two people work out those differences so they are on the same page. The differences in male and female parenting are designed to complement each other so the child has a more balanced childhood—mothers protect while fathers challenge, for instance.

Fathers Are Not Just Second Adults

Because there is a clear need to reassure mothers who must raise children alone, we sometimes minimize the importance a father plays in a child’s life. While it’s not always possible to have that ideal situation and many mothers do an amazing job on their own, it is still important not to translate that into a belief that fathers are non-essential, because that is not true. They do play a critical role that cannot be filled by someone else in an exact way, although others can, without question, help lessen the challenges.

Men provide a role-model for the male life and character to both their sons and their daughters. When the parents are married, they demonstrate appropriate relationships in marriage. Children who are rejected by a biological parent often struggle with self-esteem issues. In the best of all situations, children are raised by both their biological parents.

Sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, an expert on fatherhood, is quoted in the above government report as saying, “Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home. Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.”

Mormons teach parents that God planned for children to have both a mother and a father, which is why He started the world with Adam and Eve. They issued a proclamation on families that clearly outlines God’s plans for families, which include a mother and a father working together as a team to raise their children.

Additional Resource:

Read The Family: A Proclamation to the World

What Do Mormons Believe About Families?

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes inadvertently called the “Mormon Church”) and it seems like almost every lesson that we have in Church focuses on one of two things: Jesus Christ or the family. In a sacred document titled The Family: A Proclamation to the World we read:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

“Central to the Creator’s plan” are extremely powerful words. To be central means that everything revolves around it.

Why Are Families Important?

On Mormon.org, in the section titled, “Why is family so important to Mormons” we read:

Our families provide a setting for much of the growth we experience in life.

 

In our families we love, serve, teach, and learn from each other. We share our joys and our sorrows. Family ties may bring us difficult challenges, but they also give us strength and some of our greatest happiness .

For me personally, my family means everything to me! I still go to my Mom and Dad, and my siblings, to share my joys and my sorrows. They are there for me, and they sustain me. They help me, by their example, to be a better follower of Jesus Christ. Now that I have my own family, that reservoir of strength has expanded in heavenly ways. My love has been multiplied with each new family member who enters my life. I never thought I could love somebody so much before I met my husband. And then I was astonished when we had our first child and my capacity to love was enlarged even more. I know that will continue to happen as each new family member comes.

What if I Don’t Have a Family?

You may be asking yourself, “what about me, I don’t have a family?” Pay attention to how you feel as you read the story of a Mormon woman, who served in a leadership position for the Relief Society organization:

For almost 17 years now [The Family: A Proclamation to the World] has reinforced that our most significant responsibilities are centered in strengthening families and homes—no matter our current circumstances. Barbara Thompson, [former] second counselor in the Relief Society general presidency, was in the Salt Lake Tabernacle when President Hinckley first read the proclamation. “That was a great occasion,” she remembers. “I felt the significance of the message. I also found myself thinking, ‘This is a great guide for parents. It is also a big responsibility for parents.’ I thought for a moment that it really didn’t pertain too much to me since I wasn’t married and didn’t have any children. But almost as quickly I thought, ‘But it does pertain to me. I am a member of a family. I am a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, and a granddaughter. I do have responsibilities—and blessings—because I am a member of a family. Even if I were the only living member of my family, I am still a member of God’s family, and I have a responsibility to help strengthen other families.’”

 

Fortunately, we are not left alone in our efforts. “The greatest help,” says Sister Thompson, “we will have in strengthening families is to know and follow the doctrines of Christ and rely on Him to help us” (“Guardians of the Hearth,” Ensign, Feb. 2012).

Will Sister Thompson ever receive a family of her own? Of course she will–whether in this life or the next, she will get her family! How is this possible? Enjoy these words by the Mormon apostle Jeffrey R. Holland, “As prophets have repeatedly taught from this pulpit, ultimately “no blessing shall be withheld” from the faithful, even if those blessings do not come immediately” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She is a Mother” Ensign, May 1997).

What Can we do to Strengthen the Family?

The Boston Globe was interviewing the late Mormon prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, about The Church of Jesus Christ, and he said this:

We have a family home evening program once a week [Monday night] across the Church in which parents sit down with their children. They study the scriptures. They talk about family problems. They plan family activities and things of that kind. I don’t hesitate to say if every family in the world practiced that one thing, you’d see a very great difference in the solidarity of the families of the world’ (interview, Boston Globe, 14 Aug. 2000).

I witness that each time we do family home evening; we leave with an increased awareness of God and His love for us as His own family.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World also teaches specific things that families can do to be strengthened:

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.

Can Families Be Together Forever?

Yes! Yes! A resounding, YES! Families are designed to be forever. And like Elder Holland said, if you are faithful, no blessing will be withheld from you, including that of an eternal family. Mormons believe that you have to participate in sacred ordinances, which are only available in Mormon temples, in order to be qualified for an eternal family. It is in those sacred edifices that you prove your faithfulness to God, by being worthy to make and keep sacred covenants with Him (two-way promises); anybody can get a recommend if they 1) are a member of The Church of Jesus Christ and 2) keep the commandments of God. So yes, even you could go to the temple if you really wanted to (send a message to me in a comment, and I will be sure to let you know how!)

This is exciting stuff, my friends! Can’t you just feel the power and the urgency for establishing and strengthening families and homes? This is the work of God, and it is not only important but it is vital to our souls! Please, please, find out more by meeting with Mormon missionaries. And really, if you want to learn more, comment on this page and I will respond to you the next time I am on my computer! You are a child of God, and He needs you to join Him in the great cause of the family. And he greatly desires for you to enjoy all of the great blessings that He has available—including having an eternal family—in fact, that is why He does what He does. I know this to be true—with all of my mind and with all of my heart.

Additional Resource:

Strengthening Families

Jesus Christ, Our Great Exemplar

When Christ went into the River Jordan to be baptized by John, he was symbolically reborn. Christ, being a perfect being, had no reason to be baptized, or to be reborn spiritually, or to receive a remission of his sins.  But rather, He chose to be baptized because it was the will of the Father, and He set an example to the children of men that all must be baptized in His name. Immediately following His baptism, we are told the heavens opened and a voice was heard, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17).

Christ set the precedent of living by example and the Father acknowledged His Son and His pleasure with His obedience. How many of us today give the same approbation to our Sons?

The Significance of Earthly Father Relationships

Sigmund Freud was no friend of Christianity, yet he did have some valuable insights on the human condition. One such insight is that many men have an inherent anger toward organized religion which he attributes to anger towards their own fathers and the father-like people in their lives.

This lack of fatherly relationship affects our relationships with our earthly fathers, as well as our Father in Heaven, and it affects our participation in organized religion which ironically seems to hinge on that relationship.

This lack of connection as described by Freud posits an inherent hostility which can lead to a rejection of authority figures, a need to be over achievers, and sometimes and obsession with sex. Moreover, Freud identifies these wounded men as prone to combinations of a state of listlessness, of not caring or not being concerned with one’s position or condition in the world. It can lead to a state of paralysis rendering its victims unable to perform or accept one’s duties or place in life.

Many of these wounded men eventually become fathers and husbands. Those who over time recognize and analyze how their personal rejection by their fathers (not really ever being able to “measure-up”) affected their lives often resolve that they will not be a source of such wounds to their children and wives.

The Important Role of Fathers in Society and in the Church

In society and the Church, fathers play an important role that is often distorted by misunderstanding. Frequently, it is the result of a lack of communication and appreciation between fathers and sons. Many men are wounded both emotionally and spiritually. They feel they were never able to “measure up” to their father’s expectations. They never felt, heard, or experienced the acceptance of their fathers. Such a simple and sincere approbation would have literally changed their lives, but it did not happen.

In the scriptures whenever God appears to men, He seems to identify Himself and then introduces the beholder to “His beloved Son” in whom He is well pleased.  My own father was a good man, a faithful church member, yet he never gave me such recognition or approbation even when I did his will and followed his example. In many ways I am a close approximation of my own father.  It is pleasing and frightening at the same time.

It is surprising that just telling our children how much we love them and being proud of their accomplishments can make all the difference in their lives. Not just at the moment our words are spoken, but our actions and examples always speak loudly to our sons. These simple words and acts last a lifetime, and even an eternity in the scheme of heaven, and have the potential of changing lives in earthy and heavenly realms.

In Proverbs 22:6, the Lord tells us that parents are responsible to teach their children about Him and to follow His commandments in both word and deed.  We need to acknowledge our sons (and daughters) and give them our approval, blessing and most importantly our testimony of the gospel. Additionally, we need to demonstrate in both word and deed our commitment, pleasure and acceptance of our sons (children). Let us follow the example of the Father in Heaven and acknowledge our sons.

Additional Resources:

Strengthening Families

Fathers and Sons, A Remarkable Relationship

On Wednesday, 26 June 2013, the highest court in the land, with a 5-4 vote, ruled that the law which forbade the federal government from recognizing same-gender marriages legalized by the states is unconstitutional, signifying victory and success after a long arduous battle, for those of the LGBT community and its proponents.  The Supreme Court Justices in favor of the court’s opinion which brought about the peerless ruling are Anthony Kennedy, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor, and Elena Kagan. Those in opposition of the court’s opinion are John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, Samuel Alito, and Clarence Thomas. The court’s opinion which was delivered states in part:

“The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and to injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the majority opinion. “By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others, the federal statute is in violation of the Fifth Amendment.” [1]

One of the main drawbacks of the Supreme Court ruling is that it potentially opens the proverbial door that leads to the eventual eradication of the rights of innocent children – in particular, the right to be reared in a home where they are nurtured by a father and a mother. Thus, another chink in the foundational structure of traditional family and marriage has been created. And as the Psalmist exhorted, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3).

The Imminent Danger of Same-Gender Marriage

In an article dated 3 July 2013 in the Christian Post titled Wounds of This Generation Can Harm Children, Bishop Harry Jackson, senior pastor of Hope Christian Church in Beltsville, Md., and Hope Connexion Orlando in Florida, commented,

Lost in the never-ending push to redefine marriage are those who suffer most when they are denied the benefit of a traditional marriage. Children need both a mother and a father far more than any adult needs societal approval of a romantic relationship. And although American children may, for the most part, have food, shelter and education, too many are denied this most basic need.

 

Critics of the traditional family have long sought to convince us that the gender of a parent is irrelevant: boys can learn to be men even if they are raised by two “mommies,” and girls do not need their biological fathers in their lives to have healthy relationships with men in the future.

 

And no social policy that fails to take into account the deep and legitimate need that every child has for both a mother and a father can ever be considered fair or just.

 

As I have pointed out many times before, words that mean everything, mean nothing. The looser we make the definition of marriage, the fewer people will feel bound to its obligations and constraints. And while broken relationships can hurt adults, they can destroy children. [2]

 

In short, it becomes vitally important that a child is nurtured by both a male and a female – a mother and a father. Those who oppose the concept of traditional family, however, will argue that two mothers, or two fathers can love a child equally as well as a mother and a father. The real heart of the matter is that a father contributes certain character traits that a child needs to observe during his growing up years, and a mother contributes different character traits that are also needful for a child to observe. A father and a mother can provide a harmonious balance to life, allowing a child to experience what masculinity and femininity are like, which in turn also gives the child a healthy view of relationships. Two mothers or two fathers cannot emulate that same type of healthy environment for a child.

The Urgent Need to be nurtured by a Father and a Mother

As early as July 2008, just 5 short years ago, in an article on the Renew America.com website titled “Why same-sex marriage is bad for children,” Dr. Trayce L. Hansen, a licensed psychologist with a clinical and forensic practice, who has a particular interest in issues related to marriage, parenting, male / female differences, and homosexuality, warned of the dangers of same-sex marriages. In part she stated:

Sociologists have demonstrated over and over again that the optimal nurturing environment for young children is in a home where they are raised in a two-parent family headed by a man and a woman who are married to each other. All good public policy will facilitate this ideal and discourage the recognition of marriage counterfeits.

 

Fundamental to this is the conviction is that there are just two genders — male and female — and not five, as homosexual activists want us to believe.

 

Parents are not interchangeable parts which can be gender-shuffled without creating a deficit in the development of children.

 

As Hansen puts it, “Two women can both be good mothers, but neither can be a good father.”

 

Children need the complementary balance of the kind of love both a mother and a father provide, the nurture and compassion of a mother combined with a father’s love which calls a child to achievement in order to fulfill his God-given potential. Plus, children learn how to relate to both sexes later in life by relating to both a mom and a dad and observing the way in which they relate to each other. [3]

 

Redefining Traditional Marriage and Family

As same-sex marriage strives to become a societal norm, traditional marriage and family as defined by the Creator Himself in Genesis 2:24 when He issued the command, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh,” becomes a distorted hodgepodge of definitions based on what is best suited for an individual in accordance with his particular belief system. As a result, children raised in a home by same-gender parents will be left in a state of sexual confusion as they later in life attempt to have healthy relationships of their own, with only the experiences of their childhood to use as a base model of what a relationship is.

David Blankenhorn, a prominent family scholar, stated:

Yes, children are adaptable. But what exactly do we as a society want our children to adapt to? To growing up without the mother and father who made them? To being told that whoever happens to be taking care of them at the time is their ‘parent’? To not knowing their biological origins? . . . To listening to a lot of didactic happy-talk about families coming in all shapes and sizes? (David Blankenhorn, The Future of Marriage, 2007, pages 211-12.)

 

The wise man Solomon taught, “Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3-4). A home is built upon a sound foundation when there is a mother and a father in that home who through wisdom and understanding know how to love, protect, and nurture their “precious and pleasant riches” – their children. It is through their examples that children gain a healthy view of life and learn how to develop relationships that will last.

In the battle to redefine the true meaning of marriage and family, although we may be empathetic of those who define marriage and family in different terms, the needs and the rights of the children are paramount, and must at all cost far outweigh the relationship desires of adults.

Additional Resources:

The Divine Institution of Marriage

Strengthening Families

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Although the times in which many of my ancestors lived would have been considered less than favorable, the unity of the family was strongly maintained. The family worked together, played together, ate meals together, worshipped together, and most of all, they prayed together. Their religion, and religious beliefs were the cornerstone of the foundation of their lives. Though the male members may not have been as educated as far as attending school was concerned, both males and females were equally educated in the school of life as they learned valuable life lessons from their mothers, fathers, and often, extended family members. They did not necessarily own great libraries, but one book that was common to all homes was the family Bible.

If my ancestors could return to view what is happening in families today, and the socioeconomic inadequacies that seem to plague the younger generation, especially the males, they would no doubt be among those who are bewildered and are earnestly wanting to know, “What happened?” “What went wrong?”

The Apparent Gender Gap

According to a recent Deseret News article, the think tank, “Third Way”, has recently revealed that girls and young women are far surpassing boys and young men “in four critical areas: education and skills acquisition, employment rates, job levels and real wage earnings.”[1] “Third Way” ascertains that “this gap could be as much about social family structure as it is about economic forces like the demise of labor unions, globalization, and rapid changes in technology.”[2] MIT Economists David Autor and Melanie Wasserman, members of the think tank, further claim in their treatise that “the decline in male achievement is almost exclusively reserved for males born into single-parent households; while females in single-parent households do OK, boys seem to suffer.”[2]

In a New York Times “Opinion” article dated 27 March 2010, columnist Nicholas D. Kristof noted:

In the United States and other Western countries alike, it is mostly boys who are faltering in school. The latest surveys show that American girls on average have roughly achieved parity with boys in math. Meanwhile, girls are well ahead of boys in verbal skills, and they just seem to try harder.

 

The National Honor Society says that 64 percent of its members — outstanding high school students — are girls. Some colleges give special help to male applicants — yes, that’s affirmative action for white males — to avoid skewed sex ratios.[3]

 

A report published by the Center of Education Policy, a national, independent advocate for public education and for more effective public schools, affirms that the “most pressing issue related to gender gaps is the lagging performance of boys in reading.”[3] This appears to be the trend in every state. The report found that 79 percent of the girls to 72 percent of the boys in elementary schools could read on a “proficient” level. Similar results were found among middle school and high school students.

Some Supporting Evidence in the Case

Richard Whitmire in his book titled Why Boys Fail has pointed out several reasons why the gender gaps exist:[3]·

• The average high school grade point average is 3.09 for girls and 2.86 for boys. Boys are almost twice as likely as girls to repeat a grade.·

• Boys are twice as likely to get suspended as girls, and three times as likely to be expelled.

• Estimates of dropouts vary, but it seems that about one-quarter more boys drop out than girls.·

• Among whites, women earn 57 percent of bachelor’s degrees and 62 percent of master’s degrees. Among blacks, the figures are 66 percent and 72 percent.·

• In federal writing tests, 32 percent of girls are considered “proficient” or better. For boys, the figure is 16 percent.

However, even given the above factors, it is of noteworthy interest that boys excel much further in mathematics than girls. In the high school class of 2009, for example, Kathleen Steinberg of the College Board reported that of the 10,052 who scored an 800 in the math section, 69 percent were boys.

It appears that the lag between genders is not an issue that is unique to the United States. Reports show that boys are also falling behind the girls in Scandinavia, Canada, Britain, and other places throughout the industrialized world.

Some say that the “boy problem” is just a problem for members of minorities. But “Why Boys Fail” says that at the end of high school, among white boys who have at least one parent who attended college, 23 percent score “below basic” in reading. Only 7 percent of their female counterparts score that low.[3]

 

The Real Heart of the Problem

There are many theories which seem to suggest why there is a continuing downward spiral in the socioeconomic sphere among males, especially among those who do not attend college.

However, none tend to be projected at what may be the real heart of the problem, and that is, the number of children, in particular male children, who grow up in homes that do not have a male authority figure.

Boys look up to their fathers as role models and tend to emulate them in terms of learning what it is to be a real man.

In David Blankenhorn’s poignant words, off to one side we have “an emaciated fellow” we call the biological father, “filling out forms and agreeing to mail in child-support payments.” Off to the other side we find the guy identified as the social father, “wondering what to do next and whether he wants to do it.”[1]

 

During the days of my ancestors, generations ago, young men were afforded many opportunities to learn from their fathers who helped shape them into the men that they should become as they worked beside them. They learned not only the basic skills taught in the traditional classroom (if they attended school), but they also learned first-hand and emulated the behaviors that were necessary for survival. Among the lessons that they learned were the importance of family, how to raise and care for a family, and the value and blessings of a hard day’s labor. This author is pleased to say that he was blessed to have a father that became his role model that helped shape him into the man that he is today.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, there seem to be too many males that want to participate in the procreation process, but are not willing to take on the responsibilities that follow as a result of their actions. They are indeed the biological fathers of their progeny, but they never assume the role of a true father. As a result, too many times, mothers are left to play a dual-role in the home, and the male children are left without anyone to emulate.

At a time when a coherent understanding of manhood and fatherhood has disappeared, active religiously conservative fathers have emerged as the neo-traditional ideal. And although often overlooked, it is religion that has had a significant role in enabling the vital contributions that men make to family life to be understood and experienced.[1]

 

In the midst of all of the confusion that is swirling about, religion and religious beliefs tend to be key factors in helping to steer fathers in the right direction. The scriptures give this clear counsel to fathers, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). And this word of counsel is also given, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).

Fathers play a vital role and have an awesome responsibility to fulfill. It is my prayer that God may grant them the wisdom and courage to be the men that they should be in all things, and that they will be the role models for the young men who will carry on after them.

Additional Resource:

Strengthening Families

Standing up for the traditional family is looked on by many who are fighting for same-sex marriage rights as intolerant, old-fashioned, and even narrow-minded. It is hard for me personally as a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (which church is often inadvertently called the “Mormon Church”) to feel I am the target of many hard feelings when I feel quite strongly about letting others make their own choices without being judged.

This issue is a very complex one, though, and I realize that. I have a sure knowledge that the family, as defined by God, is made up of a man and woman who are legally married and who honor their marriage vows. They consider their marriage permanent. [1]They raise their children in a loving atmosphere and give them a foundation of values. This definition is being forcibly stretched and altered by those who dislike it, though.

We Can’t Change God’s Commandments

The issue of homosexual lifestyle choices is one to me of free will. Though doctrinally I do not believe it fits in with God’s plan for families, I also recognize the individual’s right to choose how to live his or her own life. I do not believe that being attracted to someone of the same gender makes a person evil. Same-sex attraction is not a sin; living a homosexual lifestyle is, according to Mormon doctrine. Still, a sinful act does not necessarily make someone a bad person. I know many good people who are practicing homosexuals. However, this does not give them the right to change God’s laws governing the family.

I also realize the issue is complicated regarding same-sex parenting. There are many good, loving people who would make wonderful parents to children who have no home. The fundamental issue, though, goes back to the traditional family, which God has declared is His plan for all of His children. This issue is further complicated by people who do not follow God’s law. This extends to include people who have children out of wedlock and people who get divorced. (There are certainly instances where divorce is necessary and is, indeed, the best option given the circumstances, but for the most part in today’s world, divorce results from selfishness and leads to torn homes.) People’s poor choices in failing to follow God’s commandments do not give us the right, nor the ability, to change His commandments.

So, is it better for a child to bounce around in foster care, to live in single-parent homes, or to feel unloved and unwanted than for that same child to go to a loving home with two parents of the same gender? This is a question that I have been asked, and it is not an easy one. The doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ, however, states that none of these is a solution. The only real solution is to follow God’s plan in the first place. All research shows that the absolute best environment for a child to be raised in is a family where his or her biological parents are married and honor their covenants, providing a loving home. Thus, the question is not simply same-sex parenting versus traditional parenting; it is every other option versus God’s plan. People may argue that this stand is unrealistic; it isn’t.

The more I see the Judeo-Christian values upon which Western society has been based torn down and replaced with “new, enlightened” values, the more I see chaos and heartache taking center stage. In such an environment, it is not always easy to stand up for one’s beliefs when they go against the torrent of society’s determination to flow in the other direction. It is always encouraging when people do take a stand in the best possible way, defending good values and showing the benefits of following God’s plan.

One Million French Represent the Family

At the end of May 2013, the third protest of the year against same-sex marriage and adoption was held in France. [2] One million people showed up to represent the traditional family. It is important to remember that those who stand in opposition to same-sex marriage and adoption are not therefore also necessarily opposed to the individual’s right to practice homosexuality. Many of these individuals do feel, however, that it is important to protect the institution of marriage and to protect the family.

I have had the privilege to grow up in a loving family. It is certainly not a perfect family, but the older I get and the more heartache and pain I see in the world that can be caused by not living God’s laws, the more grateful I am for the family I grew up in. Having such an environment in which to grow and develop protected me from a lot of bad influences that would have brought me pain. It also gave me the opportunity to learn a great deal, to focus on an education, and to enjoy my childhood without having to stress about parents fighting, divorcing, cheating on each other, doing drugs, or myriad other things which many children do deal with today.

Why Is the Traditional Family Important?

The Church of Jesus Christ teaches that gender is an eternal characteristic. Males and females have inherent qualities and characteristics which complement each other. [1] Thus, a man can be a wonderful father, but he cannot be a mother. The reverse is also true: no matter how wonderful a mother a woman is, she cannot be a father. This is why having a father and a mother provides the best possible environment for a child to develop. Certain skills are learned from each and unique benefits come from each.

We need to protect our families as well as the traditional institution of the family. This can be done in simple ways, but however it is done, it is important to defend a child’s right to the best possible opportunities. This struggle involves a great deal more than same-sex marriage and adoption. It requires a return to fundamental values.

In the early morning hours of our lives the home is our first official school where the students in the classroom are our siblings, and our teachers are our parents. A wise man named Solomon taught, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6.) And so, it is in the home where we should be adequately trained and prepared to enter the afternoon of our life when the school becomes a building outside the home, the students in the classroom become those whom we befriend, and the teachers are those who have themselves studied and prepared to help us continue on our journey through life by building upon that knowledge which we have already obtained from our first school teachers, our parents. By the evening of our lives, having been sufficiently trained in the way that we should go, we should be prepared to enter the school of life with the world being our classroom, and life itself now being our teacher.

The Foundational Structure of the Home

Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently referred to by the media and others as the Mormon Church) taught,

Actually, a home is much more than a house. A house is built of lumber, brick, and stone. A home is made of love, sacrifice, and respect. A house can be a home, and a home can be a heaven when it shelters a family. When true values and basic virtues undergird the families of society, hope will conquer despair, and faith will triumph over doubt.” (Thomas S. Monson, Dedication Day, Ensign, Nov 2000, 64–66)

Many valuable life lessons are first taught in the home, and the learning process for a child begins the moment that he as a baby is brought home from the hospital and is introduced to and becomes an active part of a family. Home is where a child learns how to interact with others, something that he will need to be able to do when he enters society on his own. It is in the home where a child learns to live together, work together, laugh and play together with other family members.

It is in the home where a child is nurtured in the Word of God and has his feet planted on the path that he should follow in life. Through this sound nurturing, a child learns to think of others and not just himself. He also learns the principles of forgiveness and how to peacefully resolve conflicts that may arise, being taught from the Word of God, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27.) Home is the place where a child learns the true meaning of unity.

Righteous Living in the Home

President Monson further taught,

The home is the basis of a righteous life and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfil its essential functions. . . . Such values, when learned and lived in our families, will be as welcome rain to parched soil. Love will be engendered; loyalty to one’s best self will be enhanced; and those virtues of character, integrity, and goodness will be fostered. The family must hold its preeminent place in our way of life because it’s the only possible base upon which a society of responsible human beings has ever found it practicable to build for the future and maintain the values they cherish in the present.” (Thomas S. Monson, Dedication Day, Ensign, Nov 2000, 64–66)

The home is the place where the word “love” is not a noun, but a verb. True love is not only demonstrated through spoken word, but is shown in the day-to-day relationship of the parents with one another, as well as, the relationship that the parents have with each of their children, and the children in turn have with their parents and each other. Hanging above the threshold as one enters the portals of the home is a proverbial sign that reads “Love Is Spoken Here”.

President Monson has also taught,

Happy homes come in a variety of appearances. Some feature families with father, mother, brothers, and sisters living together in a spirit of love. Others consist of a single parent with one or two children, while other homes have but one occupant. There are, however, identifying features which are to be found in a happy home, whatever the number or description of its family members. These identifying features are:

A pattern of prayer.

A library of learning.

A legacy of love.

(Thomas S. Monson, Dedication Day, Ensign, Nov 2000, 64–66)

A child who has been properly raised in a home as to how to relate to others will adjust well in dealing with people in society. If a child does not adapt well to living in peace with his own family, he will not adjust well to being in society with total strangers. It all begins in the home. “There is beauty all around, when there is love at home.” The home is the central core of the foundation of any society and the family is society’s hope for the future. “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3)

Additional Resources:

What Mormons Believe

Strengthening Families

What is the purpose of the priesthood of Christ?

An apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ, Elder M. Russell Ballard, said in a recent Mormon conference address:

The primary purpose of this priesthood power is to bless, sanctify, and purify us so we can live together with our families in the presence of our heavenly parents, bound by priesthood sealings, participating in the marvelous work of God and Jesus Christ in forever expanding Their light and glory (“This is My Work and My Glory,” Ensign, May 2013).

 

In essence, the purpose of the priesthood is to provide the way for families to be together forever. Of course, those who administer to priesthood duties do other things, like blessing those who are sick and afflicted with holy consecrated oil, as was done in Biblical times:

Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him (James 5:14, 15).

These “assignments” of the priesthood all help in an effort to fulfilling this purpose. The priesthood of Christ is a real power that God has restored to the earth through the prophet Joseph Smith. And because of it, God’s purpose can be fulfilled, “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39).

What about Women in the Priesthood?

Men are the only ones who are ordained to priesthood offices. But to say that women are not involved in the priesthood is like saying that fathers are not involved in creating offspring for their posterity. Men and women have unique roles, different from each other; yet work side-by-side in order to accomplish the same purpose. And that is a divine principle of eternity. Those who argue this sentiment do not fully understand the glorious plan of equality that our Heavenly Father has instituted for His children.

‘And I, God said unto mine Only Begotten, which was with me from the beginning: Let us make man [not a separate man, but a complete man, which is husband and wife] in our image, after our likeness; and it was so.’ (See Moses 2:26.) What a beautiful partnership! Adam and Eve were married for eternity by the Lord. Such a marriage extends beyond the grave. All peoples should call for this kind of marriage. … (Spencer W. Kimball, “Speaking Today,” Ensign, Mar. 1976, p. 71).

 

How Does Christ’s Priesthood Strengthen the Family?

Personally, the priesthood has blessed my family in countless ways: receiving blessings when we are sick, down, or otherwise afflicted, having my husband be our “spiritual leader,” so that we are sure to have family prayer, scripture study, weekly Family Home Evening, making sure that we are attending church meetings, serving others, etc. But the greatest way that it has blessed our family is the hope that we can be together forever. You see, in the holy temples families are not just married, they are sealed by those who have the priesthood—this sealing binds individuals to become “one.” Of course this blessing is only realized if we remain faithful. Knowing this, I have the desire to be faithful each and every day so that I can qualify to be with all of my family members, for eternity—the very thought of it warms my soul. I am so grateful to Heavenly Father who created families as the top priority and caused the priesthood power to be available in order to bless and strengthen the family. It just makes sense.

Elder Ballard continued in his conference address by speaking of a recent leadership training video that was produced by Mormon leaders titled, Strengthening the Family and the Church through the Priesthood.

This innovative and instructive DVD is translated into 66 languages. It teaches how the power of the priesthood can bless, vitalize, and revitalize our lives, the lives of our families, and the lives of all the members of the Church.

It shows us all—men, women, children; married, widowed, or single; no matter what our circumstances—how we can be partakers of the blessings of the priesthood…

Parents, review, share, and discuss what you learn and feel with your children, and let them watch and do the same with you, that your families may be strengthened through the priesthood.

I invite you to ask God to open your heart to see the truthfulness of this message, and the messages shown in Strengthening the Family and the Church through the Priesthood and then to watch them. I witness that they are of God, and that as you seek to be enriched by the true priesthood of God, you will be enlightened and renewed. Each of us, regardless if we feel we are in a personal “dark age” can be shown the light of Christ in just as powerful as a way as the boy Joseph did. It may not come in a vision—but it will be an undeniable feeling of peace and light. I know that is true because I have felt it in my life.