“As a husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord, as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants.” (“Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Ensign, Jun 2006, 86)

We have to do things in marriage that can be hard: serving each other, sharing life experiences (life can be difficult), uniting different natures, and keeping covenants. Everyone has struggles in doing these things, but these struggles help us grow closer to the Lord. The hard times and the strength we build to overcome them with the Lord are what bring the happiness and fulfillment God promises.

A temple marriage gives a couple covenants to keep that are goals for each of them in the marriage. As couples keep promises to the Lord, they will also keep promises to each other. God’s commandments are meant to bring people together, especially in marriages, and if we obey God, we can treat those around us the way Jesus would. In a marriage, there are many things that can divide the attention and devotion of either partner, whether it be a car, a job, some worldly goal, or another person, these things pull marriages apart. When couples let their devotion to each other only be partnered with a devotion to God, they grow closer together.

During the hard times, it is sometimes easier to turn to something outside of the marriage for help, comfort, or distraction. The only thing we can turn to that will help the family and the marriage is the Lord. He can help us heal and turn back to our marriages and families with love, growing closer to them by growing closer to him. Our marriages and families are what truly bring us happiness, both in this life and in the eternities. The Lord wants us to have that happiness, and he does everything to help us reach it. He gives us temple ordinances that unite families for eternity, and if we turn to him, he can give us the strength we need to keep marriages strong and families together.

The Mormon Prophet has told women that we can be blessed by Heavenly Father if we “support, sustain, uphold, and bless” our husbands. Women have an amazing power to influence and build up those around them, and it is the duty of women to use that powerful influence to encourage our families to choose the right.

It may seem like a lot for the Mormon Church to ask women to constantly lift up children and support husbands, but the blessings of that service are amazing. When we reach out to others to lift them up and help them on the right path, we can forget our own problems. The Lord has limitless power to help each of us with our own problems, and as we do his work by supporting our families in righteousness, he will do the work we cannot do by relieving some of the burden of our problems.

Jesus Christ has said, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Sustaining our families is truly taking upon us the yoke of Christ; by doing so we can leave behind our own burdens. Not only do we then bear a light burden, but our burden is to be a light to others-an example of Christ and a help to those in need. As women, we are divinely designed by God to be nurturing, supportive, sensitive, and uplifting to those around us, and that influence is so badly needed in the family. In a world where children are pressured to pick up damaging habits, a world where men are undervalued and often scorned, wives and mothers have the power to overshadow these influences in the lives of their husbands and children. Even when husbands may not seem deserving of kindness, support, and outreach, women can leave the door open for their change and betterment.

We come to this earth charged with a mission: to learn to love and serve one another. To best help us accomplish this, God has placed us in families, for he knows that is where we can best learn to overcome selfishness and pride and to sacrifice for others and to make happiness and helpfulness and humility and love the very essence of our character. (John H. Groberg, “The Power of Family Prayer,” Ensign, May 1982, 50)

Sometimes we learn humility and gratitude when spouses or children give selflessly, but it seems that we are more often required to meet the needs of others. Mormons are encouraged to accept family responsibilities. While there are trials to family life, there is also great and deep joy. Our Heavenly Father knows each of us, and he gave us families not only because he knew that they would be the best for helping us grow up, but also because he knew that we could help these family members in ways nobody else can.

Like a math textbook, families are full of problems-and none of them are easy. Some problems seem tedious, some require knowledge of difficult concepts, and others seem out of our hands. But family problems, like math problems, are designed to help us learn. By reading the scriptures, including the Book of Mormon, we learn ways to be more like Christ; we then turn to the “homework pages”: our families. The knowledge of how to act is crucial, but not as crucial as the actions themselves in our learning and growth.

Family is extremely important to Mormons, and to many, it seems easiest to cling to the love of a spouse, the adoration of a child, or the care of a parent. While family ties are crucial, our relationships with our families and others around us depend on our relationship to the savior.

Forgiveness is a crucial part of family life in which the Savior is our only true example. In a marriage, a husband and wife are required to forgive one another. The act of forgiveness becomes so much easier with the knowledge that Jesus Christ, who is perfect, forgave those who crucified him as he hung on the cross. Can we hold a grudge against a spouse or brother for human mistakes (the same kind we make) when Christ would forgive them?

The strength family members receive from a real relationship with the Savior allows them to forgive one another. If we cling to Christ, he will lend us the ability to bear one another’s burdens and bring the uplifting spirit of Jesus into family life. While we must trust our families, if we trust in Christ most, he can help us keep our families whole and trustworthy. He can bless us with the ability to hold up our families in hard times.

If we cling to one another, we may fall together, being imperfect, but if we individually cling to Christ, we can rise together as the Lord lifts even one member of the family. The example of one family member’s willingness to act Christ like can be an inspiration to a whole family. Christ lifts us when we aren’t strong, and he can give us the strength to lift our families when no member of the family is feeling strong.

“We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes.”

(L. Tom Perry, “The Importance of the Family,” Ensign, May 2003, 40) (From Family Gems)

How do we make our homes a refuge? In the beliefs of Mormonism, parents are the foremost teachers, the foremost examples for their children. If parents are not firm in their convictions, if they expose their children to things that they shouldn’t, if they act up themselves, they will influence their children to be uncertain about the convictions that the parents are actually trying to teach them.

But even faithful, earnest parents need to be careful. Indeed, Mormon leaders counsel that parents keep close communication with their children, know who they are and what they’re doing. The idea is not to smother or to oppress, but to be there when a child is uncertain, or is encountering something they don’t know what to deal with. Parents must be there, as a strength.

“Alma the Younger, when ‘racked with torment . . . [and] harrowed up by the memory of [his] many sins,’ remembered hearing his father teach about the coming of ‘Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world’ (Alma 36:17). His father’s words led to his conversion. In like manner, our teaching and testimony will be remembered by our children.”

(Robert D. Hales, “Strengthening Families: Our Sacred Duty,” Ensign, May 1999, 32)

(From Family Gems)

So, it’s frustrating. When you teach children correct principles, when you live Mormon doctrine as well as preach it, when you are, in everything you can be, an example to your children–when you do this and they don’t seem to understand, when they openly stray, what do you do? Do you despair? Do you decide you were a bad parent, or that the Mormon Church is false if you couldn’t teach it to your children?

They will remember. When their struggles bring them into dark places and the light is there, waiting to be reached to–when they walk in darkness and long for truth, it will be there. They will remember. They will return.

Sometimes, our children’s needs can seem less essential than that big work project, or getting that book written before deadline or finishing that church responsibility early (Mormons think church involvement is important, but never to the neglect of family). Even that football game can get so involving that our children are given a back seat. When you’re involved in something else, your children can even seem like interruptions or irritants.

Always remember that they are your highest priority, that their instruction and welfare is very important — that they depend on you and that your time is the greatest gift you can give them. Mormons believe that parenthood is among the greatest roles we can have and that it is always the parents’ responsibility to make sure children grow up right.

Elder Ballard, a Mormon apostle, speaks further on this:

“We should cherish and care for our children with unwavering dedication. The older we grow, the more precious our family becomes to us. We come to see more clearly that all of the wealth, honor, and positions of the world pale in significance when compared to the precious souls of our loved ones. You young parents who are beginning your families must guard against seeking financial gain, worldly comforts, or achievement at the expense of your children. You must guard against being so anxious to get to work or to a meeting that you do not have time for your family, especially time to listen to anxious little voices. . . .

“We cannot and we must not allow the school, community, television, or even Church organizations to establish our children’s values. The Lord has placed this duty with mothers and fathers. It is one from which we cannot escape and one that cannot be delegated. Others may help, but parents remain accountable.”

(M. Russell Ballard, “Teach the Children,” Ensign, May 1991, 79-80) (From LDS Family Gems)

But of course you love your children—how do you show it? You’ll find that what makes your children feel loved may be different from how you feel loved, or how your other children feel loved. You need to know your children and be aware of who they are. There are a number of ways to find out how they feel appreciated and loved.

Read more at our site’s new article about Loving Your Children.

There are certain myths that are prevalent among people in our society and even in the Church that can mislead our decisions.
This interesting list of myths about preparing for marriage is found in Jeffry Larson’s book, “Should we stay together”.

Myth #1: There is only one right person in the world for you to marry.
Reality: There are several individuals to whom you could be happily married.

Myth #2: Until a person finds the perfect person to marry, he or she should not be satisfied.
Reality: No one is perfect.

Myth #3: You should feel totally competent as a future spouse before you decide to get married.
Reality: A person should feel competent to be a spouse, though some feelings of anxiety are natural.

Myth #4: You should be happy with anyone you choose to marry if you try hard enough.
Reality: It takes two mature and well-adjusted individuals to make a marriage work, so one needs to be reasonably sensitive and selective in the choice of a mate.

Myth #5: You should choose someone to marry whose personal characteristics are opposite from your own.
Reality: A person should choose someone to marry whose personal characteristics are similar to his or her own.

Myth #6: Being in love with someone is sufficient reason to marry that person.
Reality: Although romantic love is important, especially in the early stage of a relationship, other factors are equally or more important to marital satisfaction and should be considered before marriage.

Myth #7: Choosing someone to marry is a “decision of the heart.”
Reality: Choosing someone to marry is decision of the heart and the head.

Myth #8: Living together will prepare you for marriage and improve your chances of being happily married.
Reality: Cohabitation may help us get to know each other better, but will not serve as a trial marriage or increase our chances of being happily married.

Myth #9: Choosing a mate should be easy.
Reality: Choosing a mate is not easy; the decision should be carefully thought out.

Myth #10: Preparing for marriage “just comes naturally.”
Reality: Preparing for marriage is learned and is based on sound information and personal assessment.

These myths and interpretations can be found in Jeffry Larson’s book, “Should we stay together”. Larson, J. H. (2000). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass (pp. 3-12).