The Pioneering Change Agent

One definition of the word “pioneer” is, “one who opens up new areas of thought, research, or development.” In that sense, a pioneer is an innovator. He discovers and introduces new ideas which may differ somewhat from the established norm, but if adhered to, could cause positive change to occur in the lives of others. And so, it may also be said that a pioneer is a change agent, or a person who acts as a catalyst for change.

Change Agents Influence the Lives of Others

I am a pioneer in the sense that I am the only person in my immediate family who is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently referred to as the Mormon Church by the media and others.) As such, I am also a change agent, and have been given an awesome responsibility by my Heavenly Father to set the example and to lead my family down the path that I have been blessed to discover, that leads to the knowledge of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. If they would follow that path, they too could come to know the joy and the happiness that the gospel brings to a person’s life.

Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ, however, does not mean that my responsibilities end with just my family, but rather, as a change agent for the Lord Jesus Christ, I am reminded:

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your alight so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven (Matthew 5:14-16).

Another of my favorite passages of scripture that serves as a proverbial compass as I walk along life’s path is found in 1 Peter 3:15-17. These verses have become my life verses as it were:

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.

For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.

As I strive to live my life as a living witness and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I often reflect upon the words recorded in verse 15, “. . . . be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you.”  The greatest message of hope that we can share with anyone is the gospel of Jesus Christ, and so I must be ready to always give an answer to all that ask me of the hope that is within me.

Steps to Preparing to Give an Answer of the Hope that is in me

There are several steps that I can take to ensure that I am always ready to give an answer of that inward hope.

• Be a diligent student of the Word

Elder L. Tom Perry, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (the second highest governing body of The Church of Jesus Christ) has taught, “The scriptures that are never read will never help us” (“Born of Goodly Parents,” Ensign, May 1985, p. 23). It is very difficult to teach someone about something if we have not adequately prepared ourselves by studying the subject that we are apt to teach. The scriptures are our guide or compass as we travel the pathways of life.

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success (Joshua 1:8).

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15).

• Memorize portions of Scripture

What better way to demonstrate the love that we have for the words of our Great Exemplar, the Lord Jesus Christ than by memorizing portions of those words. By so doing, we show others that we believe they are more than just words on a page, but we have written them upon our hearts and we testify that they are true. As the Psalmist declared in Psalm 119:11, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I may not sin against thee.”

• Be an example

The Apostle Paul exhorted his young son in the gospel, Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). Delbert L. Stapley who served as a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ from 1950 to 1978 taught, “The way we live outweighs any words that we may profess to follow” (CR, October 1974, p.25). Harold B. Lee, 11th President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ taught,

You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure if you would rescue the man that you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him to be. You cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your own soul (CR, April 1973, p.178).

There is no better way to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with non-member family and friends than by being a living example of the principles and doctrines that are taught therein. If others see that we strive to live the gospel, and that it brings joy and happiness, they too will want to follow in our footsteps to be able to experience that same joy and happiness.

• Acknowledge Christ in all things

In Proverbs 3:5-6 we are taught to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct thy paths.” Christ must always be our guide. He will shows us the paths that we must take and the way that we must go.

• Pray earnestly

Luke 18:1 tells us that “…men ought always to pray…” We must also remember that prayer is not one- way communication. At the end of our prayers we need to spend some quiet time just listening. Sometimes ideas flood our minds as we listen after our prayers. Sometimes feelings press upon us. A spirit of calmness assures us that all will be well. Joseph F. Smith, 6th President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ taught,

Do not forget to pray. Don’t suppose for a moment that you are as safe and secure in the favor of the Lord when you feel independent of Him as you will be if you feel your dependence upon Him all the day long (CR, April 1915, p.140).

• Endure to the end

In the Book of Mormon (a volume of scripture that is comparable to the Holy Bible and is Another Testament of Jesus Christ), in 1 Nephi 13:37 we learn:

And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb; and whoso shall publish peace, yea, tidings of great joy, how beautiful upon the mountains shall they be.

And in modern day revelation as recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 14:7 we are taught, “And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.”

I close with my testimony that the hope that is in me is Jesus Christ and the knowledge that His gospel is true. I am persuaded that as a pioneer member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for my family; as a light that shines before the world; as a change agent for the Lord Jesus Christ, as I strive to live my life as a living witness and testimony, others will want to follow in my footsteps to learn more of this blessed hope. The windows of opportunity are open and I am willing to do the work that the Father has sent me to do. That I may do so humbly and in accordance with His perfect will is my sincere prayer, in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Additional Resources:

Keith L. Brown – Mormon.org Profile

Basic Mormon Beliefs and Real Mormons

Request a Free Copy of the Book of Mormon

On Wednesday, 26 June 2013, the highest court in the land, with a 5-4 vote, ruled that the law which forbade the federal government from recognizing same-gender marriages legalized by the states is unconstitutional, signifying victory and success after a long arduous battle, for those of the LGBT community and its proponents.  The Supreme Court Justices in favor of the court’s opinion which brought about the peerless ruling are Anthony Kennedy, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer, Sonia Sotomayor, and Elena Kagan. Those in opposition of the court’s opinion are John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, Samuel Alito, and Clarence Thomas. The court’s opinion which was delivered states in part:

“The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and to injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote in the majority opinion. “By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others, the federal statute is in violation of the Fifth Amendment.” [1]

One of the main drawbacks of the Supreme Court ruling is that it potentially opens the proverbial door that leads to the eventual eradication of the rights of innocent children – in particular, the right to be reared in a home where they are nurtured by a father and a mother. Thus, another chink in the foundational structure of traditional family and marriage has been created. And as the Psalmist exhorted, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3).

The Imminent Danger of Same-Gender Marriage

In an article dated 3 July 2013 in the Christian Post titled Wounds of This Generation Can Harm Children, Bishop Harry Jackson, senior pastor of Hope Christian Church in Beltsville, Md., and Hope Connexion Orlando in Florida, commented,

Lost in the never-ending push to redefine marriage are those who suffer most when they are denied the benefit of a traditional marriage. Children need both a mother and a father far more than any adult needs societal approval of a romantic relationship. And although American children may, for the most part, have food, shelter and education, too many are denied this most basic need.

 

Critics of the traditional family have long sought to convince us that the gender of a parent is irrelevant: boys can learn to be men even if they are raised by two “mommies,” and girls do not need their biological fathers in their lives to have healthy relationships with men in the future.

 

And no social policy that fails to take into account the deep and legitimate need that every child has for both a mother and a father can ever be considered fair or just.

 

As I have pointed out many times before, words that mean everything, mean nothing. The looser we make the definition of marriage, the fewer people will feel bound to its obligations and constraints. And while broken relationships can hurt adults, they can destroy children. [2]

 

In short, it becomes vitally important that a child is nurtured by both a male and a female – a mother and a father. Those who oppose the concept of traditional family, however, will argue that two mothers, or two fathers can love a child equally as well as a mother and a father. The real heart of the matter is that a father contributes certain character traits that a child needs to observe during his growing up years, and a mother contributes different character traits that are also needful for a child to observe. A father and a mother can provide a harmonious balance to life, allowing a child to experience what masculinity and femininity are like, which in turn also gives the child a healthy view of relationships. Two mothers or two fathers cannot emulate that same type of healthy environment for a child.

The Urgent Need to be nurtured by a Father and a Mother

As early as July 2008, just 5 short years ago, in an article on the Renew America.com website titled “Why same-sex marriage is bad for children,” Dr. Trayce L. Hansen, a licensed psychologist with a clinical and forensic practice, who has a particular interest in issues related to marriage, parenting, male / female differences, and homosexuality, warned of the dangers of same-sex marriages. In part she stated:

Sociologists have demonstrated over and over again that the optimal nurturing environment for young children is in a home where they are raised in a two-parent family headed by a man and a woman who are married to each other. All good public policy will facilitate this ideal and discourage the recognition of marriage counterfeits.

 

Fundamental to this is the conviction is that there are just two genders — male and female — and not five, as homosexual activists want us to believe.

 

Parents are not interchangeable parts which can be gender-shuffled without creating a deficit in the development of children.

 

As Hansen puts it, “Two women can both be good mothers, but neither can be a good father.”

 

Children need the complementary balance of the kind of love both a mother and a father provide, the nurture and compassion of a mother combined with a father’s love which calls a child to achievement in order to fulfill his God-given potential. Plus, children learn how to relate to both sexes later in life by relating to both a mom and a dad and observing the way in which they relate to each other. [3]

 

Redefining Traditional Marriage and Family

As same-sex marriage strives to become a societal norm, traditional marriage and family as defined by the Creator Himself in Genesis 2:24 when He issued the command, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh,” becomes a distorted hodgepodge of definitions based on what is best suited for an individual in accordance with his particular belief system. As a result, children raised in a home by same-gender parents will be left in a state of sexual confusion as they later in life attempt to have healthy relationships of their own, with only the experiences of their childhood to use as a base model of what a relationship is.

David Blankenhorn, a prominent family scholar, stated:

Yes, children are adaptable. But what exactly do we as a society want our children to adapt to? To growing up without the mother and father who made them? To being told that whoever happens to be taking care of them at the time is their ‘parent’? To not knowing their biological origins? . . . To listening to a lot of didactic happy-talk about families coming in all shapes and sizes? (David Blankenhorn, The Future of Marriage, 2007, pages 211-12.)

 

The wise man Solomon taught, “Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3-4). A home is built upon a sound foundation when there is a mother and a father in that home who through wisdom and understanding know how to love, protect, and nurture their “precious and pleasant riches” – their children. It is through their examples that children gain a healthy view of life and learn how to develop relationships that will last.

In the battle to redefine the true meaning of marriage and family, although we may be empathetic of those who define marriage and family in different terms, the needs and the rights of the children are paramount, and must at all cost far outweigh the relationship desires of adults.

Additional Resources:

The Divine Institution of Marriage

Strengthening Families

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Although the times in which many of my ancestors lived would have been considered less than favorable, the unity of the family was strongly maintained. The family worked together, played together, ate meals together, worshipped together, and most of all, they prayed together. Their religion, and religious beliefs were the cornerstone of the foundation of their lives. Though the male members may not have been as educated as far as attending school was concerned, both males and females were equally educated in the school of life as they learned valuable life lessons from their mothers, fathers, and often, extended family members. They did not necessarily own great libraries, but one book that was common to all homes was the family Bible.

If my ancestors could return to view what is happening in families today, and the socioeconomic inadequacies that seem to plague the younger generation, especially the males, they would no doubt be among those who are bewildered and are earnestly wanting to know, “What happened?” “What went wrong?”

The Apparent Gender Gap

According to a recent Deseret News article, the think tank, “Third Way”, has recently revealed that girls and young women are far surpassing boys and young men “in four critical areas: education and skills acquisition, employment rates, job levels and real wage earnings.”[1] “Third Way” ascertains that “this gap could be as much about social family structure as it is about economic forces like the demise of labor unions, globalization, and rapid changes in technology.”[2] MIT Economists David Autor and Melanie Wasserman, members of the think tank, further claim in their treatise that “the decline in male achievement is almost exclusively reserved for males born into single-parent households; while females in single-parent households do OK, boys seem to suffer.”[2]

In a New York Times “Opinion” article dated 27 March 2010, columnist Nicholas D. Kristof noted:

In the United States and other Western countries alike, it is mostly boys who are faltering in school. The latest surveys show that American girls on average have roughly achieved parity with boys in math. Meanwhile, girls are well ahead of boys in verbal skills, and they just seem to try harder.

 

The National Honor Society says that 64 percent of its members — outstanding high school students — are girls. Some colleges give special help to male applicants — yes, that’s affirmative action for white males — to avoid skewed sex ratios.[3]

 

A report published by the Center of Education Policy, a national, independent advocate for public education and for more effective public schools, affirms that the “most pressing issue related to gender gaps is the lagging performance of boys in reading.”[3] This appears to be the trend in every state. The report found that 79 percent of the girls to 72 percent of the boys in elementary schools could read on a “proficient” level. Similar results were found among middle school and high school students.

Some Supporting Evidence in the Case

Richard Whitmire in his book titled Why Boys Fail has pointed out several reasons why the gender gaps exist:[3]·

• The average high school grade point average is 3.09 for girls and 2.86 for boys. Boys are almost twice as likely as girls to repeat a grade.·

• Boys are twice as likely to get suspended as girls, and three times as likely to be expelled.

• Estimates of dropouts vary, but it seems that about one-quarter more boys drop out than girls.·

• Among whites, women earn 57 percent of bachelor’s degrees and 62 percent of master’s degrees. Among blacks, the figures are 66 percent and 72 percent.·

• In federal writing tests, 32 percent of girls are considered “proficient” or better. For boys, the figure is 16 percent.

However, even given the above factors, it is of noteworthy interest that boys excel much further in mathematics than girls. In the high school class of 2009, for example, Kathleen Steinberg of the College Board reported that of the 10,052 who scored an 800 in the math section, 69 percent were boys.

It appears that the lag between genders is not an issue that is unique to the United States. Reports show that boys are also falling behind the girls in Scandinavia, Canada, Britain, and other places throughout the industrialized world.

Some say that the “boy problem” is just a problem for members of minorities. But “Why Boys Fail” says that at the end of high school, among white boys who have at least one parent who attended college, 23 percent score “below basic” in reading. Only 7 percent of their female counterparts score that low.[3]

 

The Real Heart of the Problem

There are many theories which seem to suggest why there is a continuing downward spiral in the socioeconomic sphere among males, especially among those who do not attend college.

However, none tend to be projected at what may be the real heart of the problem, and that is, the number of children, in particular male children, who grow up in homes that do not have a male authority figure.

Boys look up to their fathers as role models and tend to emulate them in terms of learning what it is to be a real man.

In David Blankenhorn’s poignant words, off to one side we have “an emaciated fellow” we call the biological father, “filling out forms and agreeing to mail in child-support payments.” Off to the other side we find the guy identified as the social father, “wondering what to do next and whether he wants to do it.”[1]

 

During the days of my ancestors, generations ago, young men were afforded many opportunities to learn from their fathers who helped shape them into the men that they should become as they worked beside them. They learned not only the basic skills taught in the traditional classroom (if they attended school), but they also learned first-hand and emulated the behaviors that were necessary for survival. Among the lessons that they learned were the importance of family, how to raise and care for a family, and the value and blessings of a hard day’s labor. This author is pleased to say that he was blessed to have a father that became his role model that helped shape him into the man that he is today.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, there seem to be too many males that want to participate in the procreation process, but are not willing to take on the responsibilities that follow as a result of their actions. They are indeed the biological fathers of their progeny, but they never assume the role of a true father. As a result, too many times, mothers are left to play a dual-role in the home, and the male children are left without anyone to emulate.

At a time when a coherent understanding of manhood and fatherhood has disappeared, active religiously conservative fathers have emerged as the neo-traditional ideal. And although often overlooked, it is religion that has had a significant role in enabling the vital contributions that men make to family life to be understood and experienced.[1]

 

In the midst of all of the confusion that is swirling about, religion and religious beliefs tend to be key factors in helping to steer fathers in the right direction. The scriptures give this clear counsel to fathers, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). And this word of counsel is also given, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).

Fathers play a vital role and have an awesome responsibility to fulfill. It is my prayer that God may grant them the wisdom and courage to be the men that they should be in all things, and that they will be the role models for the young men who will carry on after them.

Additional Resource:

Strengthening Families

In the early morning hours of our lives the home is our first official school where the students in the classroom are our siblings, and our teachers are our parents. A wise man named Solomon taught, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6.) And so, it is in the home where we should be adequately trained and prepared to enter the afternoon of our life when the school becomes a building outside the home, the students in the classroom become those whom we befriend, and the teachers are those who have themselves studied and prepared to help us continue on our journey through life by building upon that knowledge which we have already obtained from our first school teachers, our parents. By the evening of our lives, having been sufficiently trained in the way that we should go, we should be prepared to enter the school of life with the world being our classroom, and life itself now being our teacher.

The Foundational Structure of the Home

Thomas S. Monson, President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently referred to by the media and others as the Mormon Church) taught,

Actually, a home is much more than a house. A house is built of lumber, brick, and stone. A home is made of love, sacrifice, and respect. A house can be a home, and a home can be a heaven when it shelters a family. When true values and basic virtues undergird the families of society, hope will conquer despair, and faith will triumph over doubt.” (Thomas S. Monson, Dedication Day, Ensign, Nov 2000, 64–66)

Many valuable life lessons are first taught in the home, and the learning process for a child begins the moment that he as a baby is brought home from the hospital and is introduced to and becomes an active part of a family. Home is where a child learns how to interact with others, something that he will need to be able to do when he enters society on his own. It is in the home where a child learns to live together, work together, laugh and play together with other family members.

It is in the home where a child is nurtured in the Word of God and has his feet planted on the path that he should follow in life. Through this sound nurturing, a child learns to think of others and not just himself. He also learns the principles of forgiveness and how to peacefully resolve conflicts that may arise, being taught from the Word of God, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27.) Home is the place where a child learns the true meaning of unity.

Righteous Living in the Home

President Monson further taught,

The home is the basis of a righteous life and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfil its essential functions. . . . Such values, when learned and lived in our families, will be as welcome rain to parched soil. Love will be engendered; loyalty to one’s best self will be enhanced; and those virtues of character, integrity, and goodness will be fostered. The family must hold its preeminent place in our way of life because it’s the only possible base upon which a society of responsible human beings has ever found it practicable to build for the future and maintain the values they cherish in the present.” (Thomas S. Monson, Dedication Day, Ensign, Nov 2000, 64–66)

The home is the place where the word “love” is not a noun, but a verb. True love is not only demonstrated through spoken word, but is shown in the day-to-day relationship of the parents with one another, as well as, the relationship that the parents have with each of their children, and the children in turn have with their parents and each other. Hanging above the threshold as one enters the portals of the home is a proverbial sign that reads “Love Is Spoken Here”.

President Monson has also taught,

Happy homes come in a variety of appearances. Some feature families with father, mother, brothers, and sisters living together in a spirit of love. Others consist of a single parent with one or two children, while other homes have but one occupant. There are, however, identifying features which are to be found in a happy home, whatever the number or description of its family members. These identifying features are:

A pattern of prayer.

A library of learning.

A legacy of love.

(Thomas S. Monson, Dedication Day, Ensign, Nov 2000, 64–66)

A child who has been properly raised in a home as to how to relate to others will adjust well in dealing with people in society. If a child does not adapt well to living in peace with his own family, he will not adjust well to being in society with total strangers. It all begins in the home. “There is beauty all around, when there is love at home.” The home is the central core of the foundation of any society and the family is society’s hope for the future. “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3)

Additional Resources:

What Mormons Believe

Strengthening Families

For parents who are finding their calling as a parent difficult, Gary and Joy Lundberg have a solution. They have written a wonderful and informative article for the Meridian Magazine spotlighting The Family: A Proclamation to the World as a great parenting tool.

We all know that there are many challenges in raising children in these trying times, so what can parents do to teach their children of a lifestyle that will take them to a safe and happy environment? The Lundbergs explain their idea of using the proper tool for raising children under the Lord’s guidelines.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have access to a well written and powerful instrument written in 1995 by Church leaders to teach the world that “marriage is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” But can parents use this tool to teach their children? The Lundbergs think so.

The Lundbergs know through the study of this document that we can find hidden treasures of knowledge to help our children down the road to a greater understanding of “how to find the greatest happiness possible in this life and through out eternity.”

They suggest parents buy or download a copy of The Family: A Proclamation to the World and break it down into nine paragraphs, asking their children questions about what we would hear from outside sources in today’s world about the family. For example, parents would ask their children: What does the world teach about marriage? Let the children think about what they have heard on TV, from movies and other media places and come up with an answer. Then parents would ask: What would the Lord teach about marriage?

Parents would then let their children read the first paragraph of the proclamation and discover for themselves what the Lord wants His children to do. The Lundbergs suggest for parents to enhance their discussion (of marriage) by bringing “in social studies that show the wisdom of the Lord’s teachings. For example, a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that premarital sex weakens marriage.”

This suggestion will lead into discussions of the importance of being married, which reconfirms parents’ opinions and instills the Lord’s ideals for children to follow.

Then, in another lesson, take the second paragraph and find a question which would fit that information. This would sound like: “What would the world teach about gender identity?” Let children answer and then let them read the next paragraph to answer in the Lord’s way how we are to understand gender identity.

This activity is a real eye-opener for children of an appropriate age. You can teach gender identity, life after death issues, sexual activity among unmarried people, the sanctity of life and more—topics all children need to hear about from their parents. Teenaged children would appreciate the extra studies with the importance of marriage, gender identity, chastity and other issues, as they probably communicate with their peers at school and in neighborhoods about these topics.

Each paragraph can be used as a teaching tool, as the Lundberg’s have presented in the Meridian Magazine article without being too pushy or preachy. This would teach children the greater understanding of what the Lord wants for us to be happy. This activity also acknowledges how parents feel about all of the topics discussed in the proclamation, and they can lay a foundation of what is appropriate behavior for children who want to follow the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So take a good look at what Gary and Joy Lundberg have written for parents to teach. It is a great parenting tool.

Visit my website: Strengthen Your Home – A look at strengthening the American Family

Check out my blog: The Blessings of Family Life

Article was written by Valerie Steimle

Valerie Steimle is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (ʺMormonʺ woman). She has been writing as a family advocate for the past 20 years. She is the mother of nine children living in southern Alabama and is the author of four books and a weekly newspaper column, Thoughts from the Heart.

Additional Resources:

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Mormon Youth

Learn more about Mormons and what they believe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Tm5UtZd_w&feature=youtu.be

Our children are very vulnerable and need love and kindness. Family and friends are entrusted to care for our youth, but there are situations where our children are not safe, and abuse becomes the norm. Not just physical or sexual abuse but emotional and mental abuse, which is more difficult to trace.

In an article posted in Deseret News on August 2nd, 2012, by Rachel Lowry called “Mental abuse as injurious as other forms of child abuse” it states, “Though the effects of terrorizing, belittyouling or neglecting a child are more difficult to trace — being subsequent to the nature of the relationship between caregiver and child, rather than one specific event — they can be every bit as traumatic as those of other abuse, three pediatricians wrote this week in the journal Pediatrics.”

Emotional and mental abuse is degrading and debilitating to anyone, but to place an innocent child in harm’s way through emotional abuse is unspeakable. There are numerable surveys showing the incidence of emotional abuse, according to Time Magazine. Rachel Lowry wrote that a “number of U.S. surveys [found] more adults claiming they faced psychological maltreatment as children than claim they experienced any other form of abuse.”

But the evidence goes beyond the surveys of adults remembering their childhood. This debilitating abuse shows up in diagnoses of a spectrum of disorders and dysfunctions. According to the website Teach Through Love , “..emotional deprivation still can produce drastic effects from emotional abuse, such as babies who grow anxious and insecure, and children who are slow to develop and who may fail to develop a strong sense of self-esteem.”

The effects are long-lasting and debilitate children long into their adulthood. Adding oil to the fire in this situation, our society claims psychiatric diagnosing and drugging is the answer for our children.

Dr. Breggin’s post, “The New Child Abuse: The Psychiatric Diagnosing and Drugging of Our Children” on Huffington Post says: “The diagnoses are becoming almost innumerable including LD, ADHD, OCD, oppositional defiant disorder, bipolar disorder, and Asperger’s and autistic spectrum disorders.

Not to say that all children with those dysfunctions have suffered from emotional abuse, but parents must take care that their children are not abused by their own emotional issues. This will insure that children have healthy personalities into adulthood.

Dr Breggin goes on to say that it’s not uncommon to find children subdued and crushed by multiple psychiatric drugs. The over-drugging of children with these conditions can stem back to an unstable home life of emotional abuse.

These abuses are difficult to pin point at times. Children have stresses at school and sometimes in their own neighborhoods. It’s not always safe and there can be poor living conditions. When does a parent go overboard with punishment or reacting to children’s poor behavior?

From Teach Through Love, there are six types of emotional abuse a parent can look out for in their parenting strategies.

1. Rejecting—which includes constant criticism, name calling, swearing at a child and telling them they are ugly or stupid. These acts display rejecting behavior toward a child and will, even unconsciously, let a child know that he or she is unwanted. Children need kindness to learn kindness. Parenting is difficult at times, but as adults we need to remember the golden rule and teach with kindness.

2. Ignoring—which includes no response to an infant’s spontaneous social behaviors, lack of attention during school programs, significant events, or refusing to discuss your child’s activities and interest. There is no attachment or any positive nurturing to the child. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable. As parents, we need to take the time to nurture and listen to our children.

3. Isolating—which includes leaving a child unattended for long periods of time, or keeping a child away from extended family. Not allowing a child to have any friends or rewarding a child when he or she withdraws from his social environment. Not to confuse this with time out. There are times when a child needs to spend some time in his room to remove him from bad behavior, but children need friends to socialize and learn how to be a good friend. They need parents to teach their children socially acceptable behavior and practice with children close to their age.

4. Corrupting—which includes permitting children to use drugs or alcohol, watch cruel behavior towards animals or inappropriate sexual content in entertainment. Even encouraging under aged children to steal, commit assault, or gamble is a corruption of children. Children are born innocent and need to be encouraged to continue in this lifestyle. They need the guidance of good parents who will lead them along a healthy, socially acceptable way of life. How sad it is that some parents will teach their children otherwise.

5. Terrorizing—which includes threats, yelling and cursing one’s children. Singling out one child to criticizing, punish or ridicule in public is very abusive. Threatening a child with harsh words, physical harm or abandonment is unacceptable. This behavior goes back to the thoughts of kindness. No child should ever have to live in an environment which can terrorize a child. Parents should think twice about the effects of what they do to their own children.

6. Exploiting—is more difficult to understand. Some examples from the website include expecting young children or babies not to cry, or expecting a child to be the caregiver to the parent. Expecting a young child to take care of younger siblings and then blaming the child for their bad behavior. This is not acceptable parenting and should be stopped. Parents are responsible for their own children’s safety and well-being. It should not be pushed off to children too young for this responsibility.

Emotional abuse can result in many behavioral problems, which are multiplied by over-drugging a child for behavior which can be eased by good parenting skills. It is sad to see such abuse from parents who are supposed to care for their children. Children are a blessing from God. As parents, we should take the utmost care of how we treat them.

By Valerie Steimle

Valerie Steimle is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (ʺMormonʺ woman). She has been writing as a family advocate for the past 20 years. She is the mother of nine children living in southern Alabama and is the author of four books and a weekly newspaper column, Thoughts from the Heart.

Additional Resources:

Mormon Families

Mormon Youth

Basic Mormon Beliefs and Real Mormons

Most parents want the best for their children. Parents want to provide a better life in many cases than what they had growing up. But some parents have come to realize that those who shield their children from sacrifice and trials do a great disservice in their own children’s lives. Preparing our children for a life’s work for church and career means teaching them sacrifice and hard work. This understanding even includes experiencing trials as we live the gospel in our modern society.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints our youth have the privilege of participating in a conference each summer. Every 4^th year the local church leaders plan a Pioneer Trek which consists of walking usually 20 miles in the wilderness (with some pushing handcarts) in remembrance of the early Mormon Pioneers. This helps our youth learn to appreciate what they have and the trials the early pioneers experienced crossing the plains.

There were several parents in our Pioneer Trek group who refused to let their children participate, saying it was too hard for their children to experience and accomplish this task. The time came for all those youth to start their walk. In talking with all of those who participated and experiencing some of it myself, there are just no words to describe how we felt after it was all over.

The experience of walking for four days was unforgettable for all the youth who participated. Never did those teens experience in their real life anything close to what they had experienced on the trail of the Pioneer Trek. Their testimony of the gospel and the lessons they learned along the way were extraordinary. It took sacrifice on everyone’s part and a willingness to pull together to make it successful.

As parents, we can teach our children about sacrifice. It is part of learning faith. Russell M. Nelson said in General Conference in April of 2011 that we should “start with your children. You parents bear the primary responsibility to strengthen their faith. Let them feel your faith, even when sore trials come upon you.”

While adults can take on trials as part of life, children and youth must learn how to handle difficulties in life. If our Father in Heaven sheltered us from our learning experiences, what good would earth life do us? It is difficult to see anyone experience trials in life, but by the same token, we need these experiences to help us grow. It is especially uplifting and helpful for youth to learn about trials and work through difficulties as they grow to maturity. This will help them in their adult life. Young men are better prepared for Mormon missions, if they learn to take on chores, sacrifice, and work hard. For these, adjusting to adult life is not so shocking.

An experienced missionary mom in Utah, Betty Pearson, tells us: “Missionaries have a lot of adjusting to do when they enter the MTC (Missionary Training Center). If they are new at doing their laundry on a weekly basis, or being away from home, plus the stress of a new environment away from family, and perhaps learning a new language and stressing about it, missionaries have a lot of adjusting to do. It’s best to have them consistently doing laundry before they enter the MTC so they have less “new” to experience. Being away from home for the first time adds to their stress and anxiety. The more your sons or daughters do this BEFORE their missions, plus working a job, the better. Can you imagine how stressful it is for new missionaries to handle the stress of a new language, culture shock, how to cook and clean, doing laundry, and working hard, all at the same time?”

We can teach our children from an early age of what it takes to be a good steward and worker when we do not shelter them from difficult experiences. We can strengthen our children with our testimonies of the gospel. We can teach them that experiencing trials is a part of everyone’s life and let them experience in small ways through church activity and other experiences that Jesus Christ is our Savior.

Remember the words of President Boyd K. Packer who told us in his talk “How to Survive in Enemy Territory” at the Centennial Seminary Celebration on January 22, 2012: “Do not fear the future. Go forward with hope and faith. Remember that supernal gift of the Holy Ghost. Learn to be taught by it. Learn to seek it. Learn to live by it. Learn to pray always in the name of Jesus Christ. The Spirit of the Lord will attend you, and you will be blessed.”

As parents from all walks of life, we will be blessed with strong children, who are able to overcome life’s difficulties, and they in turn will strengthen others around them.

Visit my website: Strengthen the Home – A look at strengthening the American Family

Check out my blog: The Blessings of Family Life

Valerie Steimle is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (ʺMormonʺ woman). She has been writing as a family advocate for the past 20 years. She is the mother of nine children living in southern Alabama and is the author of four books and a weekly newspaper column, Thoughts from the Heart.

Additional Resources:

Mormon Families

Mormon Youth

Basic Mormon Beliefs and Real Mormons

Many people are nervous to raise kids in a world full of economic instability, high unemployment rates, and crime. From a very young age, children can choose drugs, pornography, and other negative influences. Fortunately, “[n]o matter how evil the world becomes, our families can be at peace. If we do what’s right, we will be guided and protected.” [1] Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly called the Mormon Church by the media) know why Christian parenting is important.

Why is Christian Parenting important?

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations. [2]

Ancient and modern prophets have taught the importance of teaching children about Christ and raising them to be the future citizens, mothers and fathers. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverb 22:6).” “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right… And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:1, 4).” Technology can be a bad influence, but can also give parents ideas and tools to meet the needs of their family. Once such tool is Pinterest.

Christian Parenting: Using Pinterest

Accessible either as a website or an app, Pinterest is the rapidly growing social media platform designed to function like a series of virtual corkboards so that people can create, organize and share collections of images from the Internet

… “It really has become just this great place to collect everything you find online,” McCratic said. “Before Pinterest you had to worry about keeping emails or sorting stuff in (computer) folders or actually printing things out.” [3]

Look up Parenting Ideas: Search online Pinterest Boards such as: NurtureStore, Kids Gardens, Play with Playdough, Kid Blogger Network Activities and Crafts, The Parent Watercooler, Reading and Writing Readiness, The Weekly Kids Co-op, and Creative Mamas Inspiration Cafe [4]

Search Relationship/Dating ideas: Evaluate your relationship with your spouse, before focusing on ways to better discipline your children. Take time for yourselves as a couple, so that you will have more energy to invest in your children. Visit Nifty Date Ideas, We Love Being Moms: Dating, Love Actually Blog, or The Dating Divas for fun dating ideas to do with your spouse.

Carefully Review Images: Read the caption below the Pinterest images for other parents’ opinions about the Christian parenting materials. If you are interested, click on the image to learn more directly from the online source. Pinterest can help a parent find the best or most recommended ideas related to almost any topic.

You can treat it like a collective community of people with shared interests by utilizing some of the wisdom that they’ve already gained (instead of) doing it all on your own — and probably ending up with the same result. [3]

Use Caution: Anyone can post or “pin” an image to Pinterest. It could be a research-proven idea, which will help your family; or it may be a company seeking your money. There may also be ideas and tools, which are not the most updated or effective. Sometimes people pin images that are harmful or pornographic. Unfortunately, there is no filter inside of Pinterest, but one can manage their own Pinterest account and fill “boards” with uplifting images.

Set Limits: “Like many well-intentioned tools in the digital age, Pinterest can be over-stimulating if used in excess.” [3] Enter the Pinterest website with a purpose. You could spend all day looking at fun things to do and waste your time if you never do them. It may also help to limit your time on Pinterest and set an example for your children.

“Digital technologies… can save us time in paying bills and reading the news—and consume it in answering e-mails and posting status updates… They can mobilize us to serve others—and keep us self-absorbed, focused on an unending stream of meaningless minutiae.” [5]

Ask yourself if your time on Pinterest enlarges or restricts your capacity to love your children and care for your family. Parents can help children “establish firm limits for digital use… to wisely balance digital activities with reading, outdoor activities, physical exercise, creative play, service, work, and time with family”. [5]

Christian Parenting Tips:

Participate in Free Community Activities: “Free Printables” can be searched on Pinterest, immediately downloaded, printed, and used as needed. For example, a parent can search for their specific family needs such as craft ideas, budget saving ideas, or ADHD parenting tips. Children can also read The Friend magazine (free online Christian magazine for children that includes lessons, games, and activities) or participate in local clubs, sports, and service opportunities. Talk to your school counselors or administration for local resources such as free parenting classes or programs (such as the Strengthening Families Program).

Hold Family Councils:

Sometimes we are afraid of our children—afraid to counsel with them for fear of offending them. There are priceless blessings to be obtained from counseling together with our families, showing a genuine interest in the lives of our family members… Without this one-on-one counseling together with our children, they are prone to believe that Dad and Mom, or Grandpa and Grandma, don’t understand or care about the challenges they are facing. As we listen with love and refrain rom interrupting, the Spirit will help us learn how we can be of help to our children and teach them. [6]

Family councils do not need to be formal. Families can sit together during dinner, and discuss work, school, and other matters that may be important to your children such as soccer, dance, piano, or ballet. Put your to-do-list at the back of your mind, and focus on the present conversation with your children. Kids can intuitively tell whether you are truly listening, and this will show them you care.

Hold Family Prayer and Scripture Study:

For all of us, doing our duty to God as parents and leaders begins with leading by example—consistently and diligently living gospel principles at home. This takes daily determination and diligence… It is our imperative duty to help youth understand and believe the gospel in a deeply personal way… They must understand who they are and who Heavenly Father wants them to become. [7]

“Never let a day go by without holding family prayer and family scripture study… See if it does not bless your home with greater peace, hope, love, and faith” (Elder L. Tom Perry, “Back to Gospel Basics,” Ensign, May 1993, 92).

Pray for Guidance:

“Don’t be afraid or embarrassed. Your child is Heavenly Father’s child.” [7] God answers our prayers and can be the biggest resource to parents. Fortunately, He is available at all times and willing to bless us. Watch this short clip depicting Mormon parenting.

In the world of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormons”) motherhood is highly regarded as an honorable profession; in fact, it is regarded as the most honorable profession a woman can have. Motherhood is a great blessing. Mothers bring children into the world, and we can mold and encourage good souls to live great lives and contribute back into their communities.

From “The Radical Mormon Mother Part II,” Tiffany Gee Lewis says, “Even in our culture we’ve strayed from understanding what a homemaker is supposed to do. We’ve outsourced our domestic skills, whole-foods cooking, a great portion of the teaching we should give our children and even our own ability to create.”

The world has journeyed away in the understanding of good mothering. Babies don’t come with how-to manuals, and most parents don’t take child development classes as college students. Future generations must learn from someone, or somewhere, proper mothering techniques as we must preserve our family life.

The words of Elder M. Russell Ballard (apostle of the Lord from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) tell us: “There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family” (“Daughters of God,” Ensign, April 2008).

With those thoughts in mind, here are a few tips for all women, whether a mother, grandmother, aunt, or sister, to promote and preserve family life.

Be the Advocate for Your Child: As frustrating as children can be at times, they need someone to stand by them through thick and thin. Who else will stick up for their children if not their own mother? Support at school, sports competitions, and other activities always shows that you take the time to be your child’s advocate. Mothers might not always be in the right place at the time, but overall, putting forth the effort by standing up for your child will make a difference in his or her life.

Consistent Good Habits are Important: Moms don’t have to be super women. The daily what-seem-to-be mundane tasks are important to children. Bedtime routines, mealtime routines, and cleaning routines are all important in molding children into productive people. It is a security blanket for every child to know Mom will be there to make sure his or her life is in order. It won’t be perfect, but consistent habits over all can make the difference in the security of a child’s life.

No Name Calling: Believe it or not, there are mothers who still emotionally abuse their children by calling them names and putting them down. It is a crime and should not continue. Children look to their mothers for support and positive reinforcement. How are they going to function as good citizens if they are always hearing negative words? There are other ways to discipline or teach a child to do what is right besides name calling. That doesn’t mean mothers never get angry. It doesn’t mean we don’t lose our patience. Mothers have an “endure to the end” calling and the more positive we can be to our young children at home, the better they will be.

Instill High Moral Values Early: Our language, entertainment, and health habits can be a big example for our children. Mothers don’t want their children to smoke. Most don’t think highly of dirty jokes or pornography. We wouldn’t want them to steal or hurt anyone. Instilling good morals early helps children know where they stand. It’s still in style to treat others as we would like to be treated. As children grow and learn more about their world and what is appropriate behavior, we can be there to guide them through. Of course, once a child gets older, they start choosing for themselves what they prefer, and mothers always hope their child chooses wisely. Instilling these values early can start a child off on the right foot.

Motherhood can be overwhelming, but it is certainly most rewarding. Not every child will make good choices. Not every child will do as he or she is told, but if we put the time in to raising our children who are taught correct principles and live consistent lives in a supportive home, we can know we did all we could to bring good people into the world.

As Elder Ballard said in April of 2008, “There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.” I couldn’t agree more.

Valerie Steimle is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (ʺMormonʺ woman). She has been writing as a family advocate for the past 20 years. She is the mother of nine children living in southern Alabama and is the author of four books and a weekly newspaper column, Thoughts from the Heart.

Additional Resources:

Mormon Families

Mormon Youth

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The determining factors for the surveys were determined by a panel of wellness doctors, including Dr. Mike Roizen and Dr. Mehmet Oz. The organization promotes healthy lifestyles to prevent early aging and poor health.

Two highlights help earn Salt Lake City-Ogden the second-youngest RealAge in America: The region is the best place for happy marriages and second best for not smoking. Residents’ other healthy habits include taking a daily aspirin and keeping an optimistic outlook. Both are good for your heart.

The reasons for happier marriages in Salt Lake City were not clearly defined, although it suggested several factors. The announcement on their webpage stated:

Temple Square is the place to get married in Salt Lake City. During peak wedding season, the square hosts more than 80 ceremonies a day. All of this nuptial excitement must rub off on the people who live there because this capital city of Utah ranks No. 1 for happy marriages, and Salt Lake spouses must be good role models for one another because their healthy habits, such as being physically active and not smoking, made SLC the second youngest city in the overall rankings.

The article provided seven tips to successful marital relationships:

• When things get tense, tap your sense of humor. Conflicts are inevitable in any marriage, but if you remember to laugh about them, it helps you work through the tension and reconnect.
• Research suggests that keeping a journal may help cement your bond with your partner. The simple act of focusing for a few minutes on the important things in your life helps you feel more enthusiastic or positive about them.
• When it comes to relationships, spirituality is a powerful tool. Meditation and prayer can help slow breathing and brain activity, and reduce heart rate and blood pressure — all of which are likely to make you feel more peaceful, joyful, and forgiving toward your spouse.
• It’s important to make time to do things as a couple to rekindle love and affection.
• Seeing eye to eye on financial issues — a leading cause of marital stress and divorce — can go a long way toward avoiding marriage troubles.
• Researchers have found that spending just 5 minutes a day outside in a natural setting seriously lifts your mood and your self-esteem, which makes both you and your mate way more fun to be around.
• Studies suggest that enjoying the arts can soothe anxiety, zap your risk of depression, and make you feel more satisfied with your life and relationships.

It is possible that the real reason marriages in Salt Lake City are happier is due to its high population of members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons or LDS) who marry in Mormon temples, which entails an eternal commitment.

In 2000, an article written for the LA Times stated that there is a significantly lower divorce rate among those who have temple marriages. Author William Lobdell, a non- Mormon suggested ten reasons why:

• They date within their faith.
• They make sure they’re committed to their faith.
• They get their lives squared away before marriage.
• They make the wedding ceremony sacred.
• “Until death do you part” isn’t enough. They marry for eternity.
• They believe the family that prays together stays together.
• They send their young men on two-year missions, which get them used to the stresses and strains of living with someone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
• They get help when they have a problem.
• They believe children create happy, stable marriages.
• Mormon families have what they call “family home evenings,” usually on Mondays. That’s when the TV goes off, and the family either tackles a spiritual lesson or simply plays board games and eats treats.

Article By Jan

Additional Resources:

Jesus Christ in Mormonism

More Mormon Beliefs

Mormon Temples