Valerie Steimle is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a “Mormon” woman). She has been writing as a family advocate for the past 20 years. She is the mother of nine children living in southern Alabama and is the author of four books and a weekly newspaper column, Thoughts from the Heart.

Of all the numbers in the Pew Research Center’s recently released survey of “Mormons in America,” the highest, most overwhelming numbers are these: 98 percent of respondents said they believe in the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, and 97 percent say their church is a Christian religion.

This comes on the heels of earlier surveys indicating that 32 percent of non-LDS U.S. adults say the LDS Church is not a Christian religion, and an additional 17 percent are unsure of LDS Christianity. The theological and semantic reasons for this can be complex, but for the 1,019 self-identified Mormons who participated in the Pew survey, their theological position is clear: Mormons believe in Jesus Christ, and they consider themselves to be Christian.

“Certainly in Latter-day Saint theology is this idea that if you understand who you are, you understand that there’s a purpose in life, you understand your connection to God, that certainly has an impact on how you live your life and what you do, but also how you feel about your life and what you are doing,” said Michael Purdy of the LDS Church Public Affairs office.

For the vast majority of Latter-day Saints surveyed, those life choices have much to do with their religious beliefs. Eighty-two percent of survey respondents indicate that religion is “very important” to them, 83 percent say they pray every day and 77 percent say they attend church at least once a week. Beyond that, a stunning 69 percent of respondents fit all three descriptions, saying that religion is very important to them, that they pray every day and that they go to church every week.

“By this measure,” the report says, “Mormons exhibit higher levels of religious commitment than many other religious groups, including white evangelical Christians.”

Part of the explanation for these high numbers may be that the survey focused only on those who self-identified as Latter-day Saints.

“The method they used tended to identify people who are strongly committed,” said BYU sociologist Marie Cornwall , who advised the Pew Forum on the new survey. “They don’t have the people who are kind of marginal. But that’s okay; we just have to be careful with the way we interpret the findings.”

One such finding is the relationship between religious commitment and education among Mormons.

David Campbell, a University of Notre Dame associate professor and another adviser on the survey, noted that the more educated respondents were, the higher their levels of religious commitment.

“I was a little surprised by that,” said Campbell, who is LDS and who has extensively studied on the role of religion in the public square. “The more educated a Mormon is, the more likely they are to be wholehearted in their commitment to the church and its teachings.”

That is different from other churches, he said, where more education tends to lead to more religious skepticism.

Pew Research Center officials also noted “a significant gender gap in religious commitment, with more Mormon women than men exhibiting a high level of religious commitment (73 percent vs. 65 percent).”

According to the Pew report, a similar “gender gap” is seen among the general public. A 2007 survey found 36 percent of U.S. women exhibited a high level of religious commitment, compared with 24 percent of men.

One series of questions asked about what it means to be a good Mormon. According to the respondents, in order to be a good Mormon it is “essential” to believe Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ (80 percent), work to help the poor (73 percent), hold regular family home evenings (51 percent), not drink coffee and tea (49 percent) and not watch R-rated movies (32 percent).

Combining those who said “essential” with those who said “important but not essential,” the order changes a little bit: working to help the poor (97 percent), holding regular family home evenings (96 percent), believing Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ (93 percent), not drinking coffee and tea (81 percent) and not watching R-rated movies (79 percent).

“I think that result is rather interesting,” said Cornwall. “Mormons are known for not drinking coffee or tea and not watching R-rated movies. But compared to believing that Joseph Smith saw God and working for the poor, Mormons don’t seem to focus on the coffee and tea as much as people probably think.”

Other manifestations of religious commitment in the survey included:

The number of respondents (65 percent) who say they hold a current temple recommend (a certificate from local ecclesiastical leaders, issued every other year, indicating that an individual has permission from the church to enter LDS temples and participate in temple rites and sacraments)

The number (79 percent) who say they pay tithing (donating 10 percent of their income to the church)

The number (27 percent) who have served full-time missions for the church (this number includes 43 percent of men and 11 percent of women and varies significantly according to the age and education of the respondent, as well as whether or not the respondent was raised Mormon)

The number (82 percent) who keep food in storage for emergencies or disasters, as they have been counseled to do by LDS Church leaders (This number includes 23 percent who say they have three months’ worth, 35 percent who say they have more than three months’ worth and 23 percent who say they have less than three months’ worth)

The percentage who pay tithing is especially interesting to break down. According to the survey tabulations, “tithing is most common among Mormons with the highest levels of religious commitment (96 percent) … fully 91 percent of college graduates say they pay tithing … compared with 66 percent of those with a high school diploma or less education. And among those whose family income exceeds $30,000, 83 percent say they pay tithing, compared with 69 percent of those with incomes of less than $30,000.”

While previous surveys have clearly established LDS agreement with certain key Christian doctrines — 90 percent of Mormons believe in God, 91 percent believe the Bible is the word of God and 98 percent believe in life after death — the new survey explores Mormon confidence in points of doctrine that are unique to LDS theology. And in these points of doctrine, Mormons proved to be unified and believing. They believe overwhelmingly that God and Jesus Christ are separate physical beings (94 percent), that the president of the LDS Church is a prophet of God (94 percent), that families can be bound together eternally in temple ceremonies (95 percent) and that the Book of Mormon was written by ancient prophets and translated by Joseph Smith (91 percent).

Overall, 77 percent say they believe “wholeheartedly” in all of the teachings of the LDS Church. That number increases to 82 percent among Mormons ages 18-49, and to 85 percent among Mormons who are college graduates.

“Ultimately, I suppose other Americans will judge our church — and perhaps all churches — by their relevance in how they touch and improve human lives right here on Earth as well as what they offer in the life to come,” wrote Michael Otterson, Public Affairs director for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in his “On Faith” blog in the Washington Post. “Meanwhile, we welcome the friendship and regard of all groups, even as we retain our commitment to a unique identity. In the end … Latter-day Saints will strive to be good Mormons, true believers, kind neighbors and faithful friends.

Pew Study Reflects Mormons’ Religious Commitment to Christ, Mormon Beliefs in Tithes and Temples

Mormons in America

As the “Mormon moment” extends into 2012, the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life today released a groundbreaking new survey, the first ever published by a non-LDS research organization to focus exclusively on members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and their beliefs, values, perceptions and political preferences.

Entitled “Mormons in America: Certain in Their Beliefs, Uncertain of Their Place in Society,” the survey was conducted between Oct. 25 and Nov. 16, 2011 among a national sample of 1,019 respondents who identified themselves as Mormons. The results validate a number of long-held stereotypes (most American Mormons are white, well-educated, politically conservative and religiously observant) while providing a few interesting surprises (care for the poor and needy is high on the list of LDS priorities, while drinking coffee and watching R-rated movies aren’t as taboo among the rank and file as you might think).

“While this survey comes amid a contentious election campaign, it is not solely or even chiefly about politics,” said Luis Lugo, Pew Research Center director, in the published survey’s preface. “Rather, we hope that it will contribute to a broader public understanding of Mormons and Mormonism at a time of great interest in both.”

For example, in one very interesting section of the new survey, respondents were asked several questions about what is essential to being a good Mormon. According to the survey, 80 percent said “believing Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ” is essential to being a good Mormon, 73 percent said “working to help the poor,” 51 percent said “regular Family Home Evenings,” 49 percent said “not drinking coffee and tea” and 32 percent said “not watching R-rated movies.

“To be honest, I found the strong sentiment that ‘working to help the poor’ is essential to being a good Mormon refreshing and a little surprising,” said David Campbell, an LDS Church member who is an associate professor at the University of Notre Dame and who consulted with the Pew Research Center on the new survey. “As a Mormon, I would hope it would be that way, but I wasn’t sure what to expect. It’s good to see the church’s genuine compassion for the poor and needy reflected in these numbers.”

People outside the church may or may not be aware of the LDS propensity for compassionate service and other . According to the survey, 62 percent of Mormons think that Americans are generally uninformed about Mormonism, and 68 percent feel that they are not viewed as part of mainstream American society. But they remain optimistic, with 63 percent expressing the belief that Mormonism will eventually become part of mainstream society and 56 percent saying that the American people are ready for a Mormon president.

In fact, optimism is one of the themes to emerge from the survey relative to Latter-day Saints. Some 87 percent say they are satisfied with the way things are going in their own life, and 92 percent say their respective communities are excellent (52 percent) or good (40 percent) places to live (this is especially true among Mormons in Utah, of whom 71 percent say their communities are excellent).

But evidently, optimism only goes so far with Mormons.

“I think it is interesting that the respondents are overwhelmingly positive about their communities. They love their communities and everything’s fine there,” said Marie Cornwall, professor of sociology at Brigham Young University and another advisor to the Pew Research Center on this study. “But when you ask them about the way things are going in the country today, they are overwhelmingly (75 percent) dissatisfied. You would think that their satisfaction with their personal lives would factor into their feelings about how things are going in the country, but there seems to be a total disconnect there.”

It should be noted that the Mormon view of how things are going in the country today closely resembles the view of the American public as a whole, among whom 78 percent said they were dissatisfied in an October 2011 Pew Research Center survey.

Generally speaking, the new survey looks at Mormons and their perspectives in four key areas: politics and ideology, religious beliefs and practices, cultural and moral issues and family life.

Politically, there are few surprises. Most Mormons (66 percent) describe themselves as politically conservative, and 74 percent of Mormon voters identify with or lean toward the Republican Party. Philosophically, 75 percent of respondents said they prefer a smaller government providing fewer services to a bigger government providing more services.

Among a number of politicians currently in the spotlight, Mitt Romney is a favorite, being viewed favorably by 86 percent of all Mormons and 94 percent of Mormon Republicans. Even among Mormon Democrats, 62 percent rate Romney favorably.

The other Mormon running for president, Jon Huntsman, is viewed favorably by 50 percent of Mormon voters, while President Barack Obama is viewed favorably by 25 percent — slightly ahead of the rating Mormons bestowed upon another one of their own: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (22 percent).

Interestingly, Latter-day Saints seem to be somewhat divided on the issue of immigration. They are fairly evenly split on whether immigrants strengthen the U.S. because of their hard work and talents (45 percent) or burden the U.S. by taking American jobs, housing and health care (41 percent).

Campbell, who is an expert in the field of religion, politics and civic engagement, said he wasn’t surprised by that result.

“Although Mormons are caricatured as being really right wing, on the issue of immigration they are not,” he said. “The church itself has been quite a voice of moderation on this issue, and that has resulted in Mormons being more positive toward immigrants than other conservative religious groups tend to be.”

Campbell suggests that the LDS Church’s missionary program has something to do with that, with Latter-day Saints tending to develop a broader worldview as a result of their missionary service around the world. In any event, he said, “this result really does cut against the stereotype.”

In terms of religious beliefs and practices, the survey makes it clear that Mormons are highly religious — again, not a big surprise. Eighty-two percent say that religion is very important in their lives, and 77 percent say they believe wholeheartedly in all of the church’s teachings. Fully 83 percent say they pray every day, 79 percent say they donate 10 percent of their earnings to the church in tithing and 77 percent say they attend church at least once a week. According to Pew, “Mormons exhibit higher levels of religious commitment than many other religious groups, including white evangelical Protestants.”

Looking at basic, core religious beliefs, 98 percent say they believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, 94 percent believe the president of the LDS Church is a prophet of God, 95 percent believe that families can be bound together eternally in temple ceremonies, 94 percent believe that God the Father and Jesus Christ are separate, physical beings and 91 percent believe that the Book of Mormon was written by ancient prophets.

Clearly, Mormons are believers.

But are they Christian? Ninety-seven percent of Mormons think so. And when asked to volunteer the one word that best describes Mormons, the most common responses were “Christian” and “Christ-centered.” By way of contrast, a November Pew Research Center survey found that nearly half (49 percent) of non-Mormon U.S. adults say that Mormonism is NOT Christian or that they are unsure whether or not it is Christian. In that same survey, when respondents were asked for one word that best describes the LDS Church, the most commonly offered response was “cult.”

Culturally, Mormon conservatism extends to a wide variety of moral issues. Polygamy (86 percent), sex between unmarried adults (79 percent), abortion (74 percent) and drinking alcohol (54 percent) are viewed as morally wrong. Divorce, on the other hand, is largely considered “not a moral issue” by respondents (46 percent).

Similarly, 65 percent of respondents said that homosexuality should be discouraged by society, compared with 58 percent of the general public who say homosexuality should be accepted by society.

“Mormons like to use the phrase, ‘Be in the world but not of the world,’” Campbell noted. “They are active and involved in their communities, but they have these beliefs and practices that set them apart a little bit, and sometimes that creates conflict or tension. [Homosexuality] is one of those issues where, rightly or wrongly, Mormons just have a different position than most of the rest of America.”

The survey also illustrates how important family life is to most members of the LDS Church. Among life’s priorities, being a good parent (81 percent) and having a successful marriage (73 percent) place higher than career concerns, having free time or even living a religious life. Some 67 percent of Mormon adults are married (compared with 52 percent of the general public), and 85 percent of them are married to another Mormon.

“As the Church and its members are increasingly the focus of media attention, we’re eager to participate in conversations that help the public get to know us better,” said LDS Church spokesman Michael Purdy. “Even though the recent Pew study did not survey any of the Church’s eight million members who live outside the U.S., it highlights some important aspects regarding who we are and what we believe.

“For example,” Purdy continued, “the study found that Church members subscribe to traditional Christian beliefs, have high moral standards, are overwhelmingly satisfied with their lives and communities, are active in serving others and have a profound dedication to family. These results reflect the Church’s message that a deep commitment to the teachings of Jesus Christ brings lasting happiness.”

Speaking for the Pew Research Center, Lugo said the idea for the survey was born last summer, “around the time that a Newsweek cover story and a New York Times article declared that the United States was experiencing a ‘Mormon moment.’”

“That got us thinking,” Lugo said in the survey’s preface.

Over the years, numerous polls have gauged public attitudes toward Mormons, who make up about 2 percent of all U.S. adults. But what do Mormons think about their place in American life? With the rising prominence of members of the LDS Church in politics, popular culture and the media, do Mormons feel more secure and accepted in American society? What do they think about other religions? What do they believe, how do they practice their faith and what do they see as essential to being a good Mormon and to leading a good life?

An advisory panel was recruited to help the Pew Forum staff create the survey. The panel featured a number of Latter-day Saints who have professional experience in Mormon studies and research, including Campbell, Cornwall, Matthew Bowman of Hampden-Sydney College, Terryl Givens of the University of Richmond and Allison Pond of the Deseret News.

“We helped them to formulate the questions, and to frame them in the kind of language that Mormons use,” Campbell said.

After a period of testing, the survey was conducted among respondents who identified themselves as Mormons (it also included qualifying questions that made it clear that respondents were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as opposed to other churches whose members may refer to themselves as Mormons).

“Since Mormons represent about 2 percent of the population, you’d have to call 98 people before you’d get a Mormon, and that would be very expensive,” said Cornwall, who is also editor of the Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. “But they had a fancy way of finding Mormons, including going back to Mormons they had found in the course of doing previous surveys, so they were able to get their sample in a cost-effective way.”

Care was also taken to make sure the survey included those who had land lines as well as those who have only cell phones — a growing area of concern among those who conduct public opinion research today.

Among other interesting findings of the Pew Forum’s survey of Mormons:

• 71 percent of respondents reside in the American West, including 53 percent who live in the Mountain states and 34 percent who live in Utah;

• 88 percent are white, 7 percent Hispanic, 1 percent black and 4 percent other racial and ethnic backgrounds;

• 50 percent say that evangelical Christians are generally unfriendly to Mormons;

• 54 percent say that the way their religion is portrayed on television and in movies hurts society’s image of Mormons;

• 57 percent of Mormons said that most or all of their close friends are other Mormons (this number was significantly higher in Utah, where the number climbed to 73 percent);

• 65 percent of respondents say they hold a current temple recommend;

• 27 percent say they believe in yoga not just as exercise but as a spiritual practice;

Pew Study on Mormons in America

• 11 percent say they believe in reincarnation;

• 74 percent were raised in the LDS Church;

• 59 percent of converts cite the church’s beliefs as the main reason they joined the church;

• 59 percent of converts joined the church between the ages of 18 and 35;

• 27 percent have served a full-time mission, including 43 percent of men and 11 percent of women;

• 82 percent say they have a supply of food in storage, and 58 percent keep at least a three-month supply.

The margin of error for the survey is =/- 4.5 percentage points.

“I think this survey is a really good summary of the hyper-committed Mormon community that shows up at church every week,” Cornwall said. “I’m not sure it captures Mormons on the margins very well, but that’s OK — hopefully we can do that the next time. Meanwhile, this is a pretty good picture — and an interesting picture — of Mormons.

By Joseph Walker, Deseret News

Additional Resources:

Full original source Deseret News article: Pew Study on Mormons in America.

Learn more about the results of this survey of Mormons in America.

See infographic from the Deseret News article.

Pew Mormon Study Highlights Christianity.

Valerie Steimle has been writing as a family advocate for the past 20 years. She is the mother of nine children living in southern Alabama and is the author of four books and a weekly newspaper column, Thoughts from the Heart.

Appropriate Media and the Christian Family

If you’ve ever watched a three-year-old after he’s watched a kickboxing, beat ‘em up kind of TV show, you know that watching television has an effect on children.  Children play from what they know from experience.  If all they know is violence and fighting, then that’s what they play.

Most of us recognize both the many benefits and the many challenges that come from television in our modern, fast-paced world. Some of the benefits, besides listening to the teaching of the gospel, we can receive by merely touching a button include receiving instant reports of local and world events and updates on weather; watching fantasy; exploring geography; living history; enjoying good theater, dance, and music; and experiencing culture from almost every country in the world.

Yet there is violent, damaging, unwholesome programming which is destructive and degrading to the morals of the family. A study done by The National Institute of Mental Health states, “Violence on television does lead to aggressive behavior by children and teenagers who watch the programs …”

Christian Family Life is About Quality Time

The media are often engaged in the process of distorting or changing our perceptions and the media have not, overall, depicted many realistically happy marriages.  Portrayals of marriages tend to alternate between the seriously conflicted or destructive–from petty sitcom bickering to fatal attraction–and the sunny, Cosby-like ideal.

I think with television, we’ve lost a great big hunk of family life.  There’s absolutely no one-on-one family enjoyment with looking at television.  You may be edified if you are watching a particularly artistic or educational film, but for people to say, ‘I’m going to have a wonderful evening at home with the children,’ and then sit in front of the TV, that’s a fraud.  Because with TV, there’s no fellowship, there’s no conviviality, and there’s no back-and-forth exchange of information between parent and child.

Christian Family Life is Improved With Less TV

Research data indicate that families that limit television viewing to a maximum of two hours a day of carefully selected programs may see the following significant changes in family relationships:

1. Value setting will be taught and reinforced by the family. Families will learn how to establish values and how to reason together.

2. Relationships between parents and youth will increase in families.

3. Homework will be completed with less pressure of time.

4. Personal conversations will increase substantially.

5. Children’s imaginations will come back to life.

6. Each family member will become a discriminating selector and evaluator of programs.

7. Parents can become family leaders again.

8. Good reading habits may be substituted for television viewing.

Additional Resources:

Derek Willis Hagey, Is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the Salt Lake City area. He is currently finishing his Ph.D. and teaches graduate courses in Marriage and Family Therapy. Derek is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) and is married with four young sons.

By Derek Hagey

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormon Church), I know that marriage is the foundation of an eternal family. When a marriage struggles, the family struggles. As a Marriage and Family Therapist I meet with many couples who have become entrenched in their opposing views and obstinate positions. These relationships often begin with hope and positive feelings but begin to find the weight of the world falling on top of them. In the April 1972 General Conference Mormon Prophet Spencer W. Kimball stated, “In my experience I find that in a large number of marriage problems, the problem is lack of communication…There is growing disgust and hate where there should be love and harmony.” It is a trying situation, when we have developed this disgust and hate. To counteract this very difficult reality, it is important for couples to begin to look past the negatives and costs of relationships and increase the opportunity to notice the positives and communicate those positives to each other, we must reopen those lines of communication.

“Purposefully Implement Positive Interaction” (or PI Squared) is one technique I have developed to help couples stabilize their marriage relationships through communication.

What is PI Squared?

PI Squared is all about changing our perspective. The world demands so much of us as individuals, and by the time we as a couple are able to be at home together, we are often so exhausted that the littlest things will set us off.

We may have practiced stifling the anger, but when we stifle feelings we learn to resent our partner. Once our relationship becomes one of resentment, we find our relationship has lost the friendship we once enjoyed, and we are in what is called “negative sentiment override” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p. 21).

We must counteract this focus on the negatives in our marriage, and to overcome the negatives we must inject opportunities for positives. John Gottman, Ph.D., notable marriage researcher, after watching many couples in both successful and failing relationships, found an interesting statistic; those marriages that are successful tend to have a 5-to-1 ratio. For every 1 negative interaction there are 5 positive interactions.

If we are in negative sentiment override, there must be a change, and it must happen quickly.

Enter PI Squared.

How Do We Practice PI Squared?

In PI Squared the couple is to set up a meeting at the end of each day, when the children are in bed, when the worries of the world have parted for a moment, when the couple is able to sit down together without distractions and spend 15 minutes of focused time.

During this 15 minute conversation the couple does not discuss the children or work. Those are often discussed enough. Instead, each person is to state at least 1 thing they appreciated about their partner that day and why. The partner then responds with what the appreciation statement means to them to hear. For this exercise to be effective both partners must be committed to it and not avoid the topic or come at it from a sarcastic perspective.

A simple and brief example of what this interchange might look like:

Mike and Susan sit down in the evening for their discussion. Mike begins with, “I am so grateful you took the time to pack my lunch and the note you wrote on my napkin had me thinking about you all day. Your packing my lunch and writing that not made it so I was able to handle a lot of stressors at work today.” Susan responds, “I am so glad you appreciated the note, it is nice for me to hear that the things I do all the time are meaningful to you.”

Susan takes her opportunity to focus on positives and states, “I really appreciated that you took the time to prepare dinner tonight. I really did not know what to make and was thinking about dinner today and when it was already prepared when I got home I was just so relieved. It was so nice to come home from a stressful day at work and have one less worry.” Mike’s response, “Knowing that by making dinner for you was so meaningful is encouraging. I wasn’t sure if you would like it, but now that I know you appreciate it I will try to do more of it in the future.”

As long as both partners are committed and open during the dialogue this exercise creates: 1) a focus on looking at positives throughout the day, 2) an opportunity to actually sit down as a couple without distractions, and 3) a positives-focused discussion.

You may find that on the first day you may only have one positive interaction to discuss. Rejoice in the one. Then the next day perhaps it will be still be one. Strive to add more over time. In time, it will be easy to see more positive interactions in your marriage. You’ll be working toward implementing them throughout your relationship. If you are finding these discussions are becoming a part of the day-to-day interactions; first of all congratulations you are doing great at recognizing positives in your relationship, second if you are finding it difficult to have things to say at the end of the day it is okay, just reiterate those positives you noticed and even mentioned throughout the day because sometimes we do not hear the positive words of our partner when said in the midst of our hectic day. Reiterating those again at the end of the day will strengthen the positive feelings within your relationship.

A final note:  While PI Squared is not the answer to all the struggles couples have, the resulting effect is often lessened negative sentiment override and increased hope for the relationship. If you attempt this exercise and find it difficult to complete even once, seek out an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist in your area to aid you in decreasing the negativity and increasing your ability to see the positives in your relationship.

Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Three Rivers Press: New York.

Kimball, S. W. (1972, May). Keep the lines of communication strong. Ensign. Retrieved August 20, 2011, from http://lds.org/ensign/1972/07/keep-the-lines-of-communication-strong?lang=eng.

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Many parents consider weekly church attendance a critical part of helping their children grow up with a strong testimony of God. However, church attendance is only one part of the process. A child or teen can easily attend church and then go home and forget all about the lessons learned until the next week. How do you help your child keep those valuable lessons learned on Sunday in his heart all week? How do you help him put the lessons into practice in real life?

Reinforce what your children are learning at church.

Getting the most from church begins before the child attends. It’s important that Sunday morning (or whichever day you attend church) start out calm and peaceful. To do this, the day before church needs to be a day to prepare for church. Help children choose their nicest clothes for church. While God doesn’t necessarily care about our clothing, choosing the nicest things we own allow us to demonstrate our respect for Him. We dress up to go to job interviews, parties, and meetings with important people. God is the most important being in our lives and church, which is His home, should be the most important place we go. Dressing up helps children recognize that visiting God’s home to learn about Him is the most important thing we do all week. The clothing does not need to be expensive or fancy, but it should be the nicest clothing we own. Mormons encourage their female members to wear dresses, for instance, and their men to wear dress slacks, white button front shirts, and sports jackets. They dress the way they would for other special events. The clothing isn’t party clothing, but rather it is modest and “dressed up.”

Make sure the clothing is clean, pressed, and set out. This ensures there are no frantic rushes to find something to wear. Pack whatever is going with you the night before. Plan breakfast. Go to bed at a reasonable hour and get up with plenty of time to get ready and a little time to spare. Make sure Sabbath morning is peaceful and unhurried, no matter how early you have to be at church.

Take some time Sunday morning to set a spiritual tone. Have a family prayer and spend a few minutes reading scriptures together. Talk about spiritual things over breakfast and in the car. Play soft church music to set the mood.

Before entering the church building, review the rules of behavior with your children. Set  high standards and your children will surprise you by eventually living up to them. Take them for a walk around the church just before the meeting begins to ease restlessness and then settle them in time to get them ready to be reverent when the service starts. If children attend services, as they do in Mormon churches, bring small quiet things to keep them busy. Gradually reduce what is brought until toddlers or preschoolers have only a doll and a book. When they are about three years old, begin delaying the moment the toys come out. When they handle that delay well, delay a little longer.

Encourage children to listen to the sermons or talks by letting them know you’ll be talking about them after church. Play quiz games and discuss the topic on the way home. When they know it will be talked about, they are more likely to listen.

Find a way to learn what your children are learning in their classes. Mormons put the lesson manuals online, allowing parents to read the upcoming lessons each week. If your church does not do this, ask the teacher to give you a list of upcoming themes or scripture stories. This allows you to reinforce what is being learned at church.

Suppose you know your child is learning about Noah and the ark on Sunday and that the story is being told to help children learn obedience to God’s commandments. Knowing this is coming up, you can plan to do activities related to this lesson at home. On Sunday evening, you might decide to ask the children to retell the story and then you might read it together from the Bible or a children’s Bible. Ask questions to make sure they remember the important parts of the story and that they understand what lesson they were supposed to take from it. Then you might follow up with something fun related to the story. Children enjoy making puppets and putting on shows. You don’t need fancy puppets. The children learn better when they make their own. You could even have them act the story out with their stuffed animals and dolls. Try putting the dining room chairs into a circle to represent the ark and letting your children be the animals. You can be Noah. Then switch roles and let the children gather you into the ark. Perhaps you’d like to try making some Noah’s ark crafts. Let your children decide what to make and how to make it. Maybe this is a good time to make a boat—a little one, of course, maybe for the bathtub.

Prepare for these impromptu craft sessions by collecting a box of “junk.” The things you might throw away often represent creative opportunities for children. Cereal boxes, string, nails, old jewelry, bits of foil…use your imagination. Bring out the box and let the children dig through it to find what they need.

Can you think of a game to go with the story? If you can’t, your children can. When I taught Noah’s ark to my toddler class at church, I drew a very simple ark on a piece of science fair board and cut out a door. The children enjoyed taking cutout animals, matching them up, and dropping them in pairs through the door. The very youngest toddlers were happy just pushing the animals through the doors. Acting like the animals topped off our fun lesson.

Throughout the week, take time to talk about the story and tie it to your family’s lives. What situations do you face that are similar to the challenges Noah faced? Imagine how people reacted as they watched Noah building an ark in the desert. Do your children think people made fun of him? Have they ever been in a situation where people made fun of them for doing the things God wants them to do? What can they learn from Noah that would help them in that situation?

Look for ways to implement the lesson behind the story in your own lives in the coming week. Perhaps you could set a family goal to keep one commandment better than you have been.

Your children’s teachers have them for a very short time each week. It is not enough time to give your children the spiritual strength they need to grow up firm in their faith.

There are two goals to keep in mind as you plan. The first is to help the children learn the stories or scriptures that were taught, so they become a part of their personal memory. The second is to understand that what is taught in class is meant to change their everyday lives and influence their eternal lives. By helping your children apply what they learn, church attendance becomes more than just a nice feel-good tradition. It becomes a way of life.

In her doctrinal thesis, Emily Layton and Brigham Young University professor David Dollahite found seven anchors of religious faith common to teenagers of varying religions. Instead of asking questions with multiple choice answers, Layton, a mother of four, let the teenagers answer the questions any way they chose.

She found the following anchors helped teens feel connected to their faiths: traditions and rituals, family, faith community members, faith community leaders, scriptural books, God (or a God figure), and faith.

Some aspects seemed more important to children of one faith than another. For instance, Mormons, Jews, and Muslims were more likely to talk about the importance of traditions and rituals, probably because those are important aspects of their religions. Muslim teens were more likely to speak of the impact of parents on their religious commitments.

Parents can use these seven anchors to help their children develop a life-long commitment to their faith, regardless of what faith it is. Let’s look at some of them to see how we could put them into place in a typical family.

Traditions and rituals were very important to those teens who had them. If your faith does not teach specific traditions and rituals, you can create them in your home, selecting those with significance to your own faith. Rituals and traditions help children to feel secure and safe and when they are connected to religious events, they can help children have secure and comforting feelings toward religion.

For instance, many families enjoy having dinner together and begin that meal with a prayer. Prayer is a ritual that can become a very natural part of a child’s life, so when he leaves home, he might naturally have one himself. Family scripture study, accompanied by family prayers, can also leave a permanent mark on a child’s memories of growing up.

Mormon families have held Family Home Evenings or Family Nights for many decades. In recent years, some other faiths have adopted this tradition as well. One night a week the family gets together without any outsiders and spends time together. For Mormons, the evenings begin with hymns, prayers, and a brief lesson. The lesson allows the parents to teach their children the values and beliefs they consider most essential. In many families, the children also take turns teaching, allowing them to share their own beliefs with their families. After the lesson, the family plays games and has treats, and then they finish off with another hymn and a closing prayer. This program is easily adapted to the beliefs of any religion.

Another religious anchor for teens is family. Teens mentioned being influenced by their parents and even by their siblings. Some teens mentioned wanting to please or honor their parents. Others expressed appreciation for the hard work their parents put into teaching them religious values.

Children need parents to be a part of their religious foundation. Even when they appear to not be listening, they often are. More importantly, they are watching. It is never enough to simply lecture about religion. Teens need to see their parents living their religious beliefs. Parents who want their children to see church attendance as important attend church with their children, rather than dropping them o ff. They read their scriptures, both as a family and privately, they keep the commandments, and they talk about their faith in a natural and positive way.

Parents can help children learn to talk about their faith by holding conversations with them—not lectures, but actual conversations. Ask your children to tell you their feelings about various aspects of their faith. Allow them to ask questions without being scolded or argued with. When they can share even what they are not sure is true, you can learn what parts of their faith you can help them strengthen. Invite them to help younger siblings strengthen their own faith.

Teens are also strongly influenced by members of their faith community who are not in their own families. Does your church have give teenagers an opportunity to interact with other members of the community? If not, you may need to create those opportunities yourself. Teenagers need friends who share their beliefs. Naturally, they also need friends who do not, both to prepare them for interactions in the outside world and to give them an opportunity to be a good example. They also need practice standing alone when necessary to live up to high standards.

However, all this is easier when they also have friends who share their beliefs. Teens learn from each other and they can also provide a support network for each other. One teen, new to her faith, was unsure what to do when alcohol emerged at a teen party unexpectedly and with adult permission. Her friend, however, more experienced, took charge of them both and showed the newer girl how to get out of the situation gracefully. Having another friend show shared the standard made it easier to stay within the rules.

In addition, youth need to know other adults who share their faith, not just those in their youth program. The more adults there are who stop to speak with them at church, the more adults there are to serve as role models for your teens. Make a point of having great adults in your home or in other ways involved with your children.

Youth leaders in the church also play an important role in the lives of teens. A good youth program has a number of adults. This increases the likelihood your teen will connect with one of them. Often a teen will turn to a youth leader when he’s shy about approaching his own parents or wants an outside opinion. The Mormons, for instance, put a large number of adults into a teen’s church life. In a full program, teens are divided into classes with teens covering two ages (for example, twelve and thirteen year olds are together.) Each of these classes has two leaders present at all times. In addition, they have joint activities with the other two classes and their leaders, giving them six adults just in that program. Then they also have a Sunday school teacher, a Seminary teacher (for a religious class held most school days) and regular contact with the bishop, who is a lay pastor. Boys might also have Scout leaders at church and girls might have a camp leader. The teenagers have many adults to choose from when they need an adult to talk to or to look toward for role modeling. These leaders also help them feel connected to the adult world of church and watch over their special needs. The adults are not friends, but leaders who speak unafraid about the standards of their religion. Encourage your congregation to create a strong and leader-rich youth program.

Scriptural books were important to many of the teenagers. Parents can help them develop a relationship with their religious texts by reading and discussing them as a family and by encouraging children to read them on their own. Make sure young children have access to children’s materials. Use people in the scriptures as role models. Teach children how to read scriptures—they won’t learn to read or spell the religious words at school. Make scriptures fun for younger children by encouraging the children to act out the stories with puppets or dolls. Teens can be taught to ask what that story has to do with them. What message can they pull out of the story of David and Goliath for their own lives? This takes ancient stories and makes them relevant.

God and faith were the last two anchors teens found important. Children and teens need to know who God is and what role He plays in their lives. A recent study showed teens tend to see God as a “cosmic butler” who pops out when they need Him and stays out of their way when they don’t. This does not build a powerful relationship between the teen and their God. They need to know He loves them and is always there, watching out for them, ready to comfort and guide. They also need to know He loves them and because He loves them, He has standards. Many teens find comfort in knowing their faith includes strict rules of conduct that add order and security to their lives. The more they love God the more influence those standards will have on them.

Faith helps teens get through the challenging moments when their standards are put to the test or they face difficult trials. Faith is not something a parent can give to a child and it is not something a parent can pull out and hand over when it’s needed. It must be internalized and the child must have training in how to make it help through the difficult times. Share with your children your own experiences with faith. Encourage them to write own their personal experiences so they can refer back to them when they need to remember.

By helping your children develop these seven anchors, you can give your children the best possible chance to remain strong in their faith as they grow up and leave home.

Lynn G. Robbins, a Mormon leader, gave a talk called, “What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?” The title comes from a question Jesus Christ asked and it is an important question for parents because it is their responsibility to raise children who are followers of Christ. The answer to the question, of course, is to be Christ-like. But how do we go about teaching our children to be Christ-like and to follow the Savior?

Elder Robbins suggest we focus less on “to-do” and more on “to-be.”

Elder Lynn G. Robbins teaches Christ-like parenting at a Mormon conference.

“Many of us create to-do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to-be lists. Why? To-do’s are activities or events and can be checked off the list when done. To-be, however, is never done. You can’t earn check marks with to-be’s. I can take my wife out for a lovely evening this Friday, which is a to-do. But being a good husband is not an event, it needs to be part of my nature, my character or who I am.”

As parents, we need to help children identify what kind of people they want to be. From there, they can decide how they would live their lives if they were indeed that kind of person. When this is done, they can more effectively make their to-do lists.

We can help by giving children a personal identity to draw from. Our words will help children decide who they really are. Elder Robbins warned us not to cause a child to think that what he did is who he is. For instance, a child who didn’t clean his room is not necessarily messy. He just didn’t clean it. A child who talks back isn’t a brat—he just talked back. Elder Robbins says that disappointing behavior should be seen as an act, not an identity, a temporary situation, not a permanent one.

 On the positive side, we can use this principle to help children see themselves as a certain type of person. Suppose your child is struggling with math. Instead of focusing on the fact that he doesn’t seem to be very good at math, focus on his efforts to overcome it, instead. “I really admire the way you keep working so hard at math, even though it isn’t always easy for you. You’re a very determined person and you’ll always be able to overcome challenges because of it.”

With this statement, your child internalizes that he is a hard worker and doesn’t give up. He won’t think of himself as someone who is bad at math, but rather as someone who works hard at it.

You can apply this to Christ-like behavior as well. “I love the way you’re reverent at church. You have so much respect for Jesus Christ and His home.” “You are so kind to Mrs. Porter, always taking out her trash or saying a kind word to her. You are the kind of person Jesus told us to be when he said we should take care of the poor and the needy.” If your child hears that often when he’s been helping Mrs. Porter, he will expand his service to even more people and in time, will have internalized a self-identity as a compassionate and helpful person. You will never have to remind or nag him to help others. He will see himself as that kind of person and so he will naturally go forth and do the things compassionate and helpful people do. In the long run, giving a child the identify you want him to have is far easier than simply working through a checklist of behaviors you want him to practice.

Elder Robbins also warned us against spending too much time asking children what career they want to have when they grow up. “Neither professions nor possessions should define identify or self-worth. The Savior was a humble carpenter, for example, but that hardly defined His life.” It can be far more fascinating and instructive to ask children what kind of person they want to be when they grow up. Help them focus not on wanting to be rich or famous, but on being Christ-like.

Of course, there are times when discipline will be necessary. However, our discipline must be Christ-like in nature. “Discipline comes from the same root word as disciple, and implies patience and teaching on our part. It should not be done in anger,” Choosing meaningful discipline done gently and for the purpose of teaching will help children become who we want them to become.

Elder Robbins reminds us the most important part of the process is to be an example. We cannot raise Christ-like children unless we ourselves are as Christ-like as possible. We need to lead by example. A child who sees us spending our own money to help someone else will be more likely to make the same choice for himself in the future. A child who helps us pick up trash in the park will be more careful not to throw his own trash on the ground.

Elder Robbins suggests the most important role model we should have for our parenting is that of God. God is our Father and we are His children. We can see through the scriptures and through the events of our own lives just how He parents us. He has rules we must follow and there are both rewards for following them and consequences for not following them. He is there to help, but also expects us to first try to solve our own problems, with guidance and assistance as necessary. He doesn’t just do everything for us without expecting us to do something for ourselves. What He does is what we can’t do for ourselves. He does everything in love and is willing to make extraordinary sacrifices for us.

“May your efforts to develop Christlike attributes be successful, so that His image may be engraven in your countenance and His attributes manifest in your behavior. Then, when your children, or others, feel of your love and see your behavior, it will remind them of the Savior and draw them to Him.”

A key to strengthening a family is to spend quality time together. Often, however, when a family is together they are simply watching television, not interacting. Parents need an opportunity to share their values in an appropriate setting and a way to spend meaningful and fun time with their children despite busy lives.

One way to do this is to set aside one evening a week just for the family. Mormons call this Family Home Evening. Some other religions, which have adopted the long-standing Mormon tradition, call it Family Night. The Mormons, having started this tradition, have recently launched a new website designed to help Mormon families hold better family home evenings. The materials on the website are easily adapted to fit families of other faiths.

The website is called Family Home Evening. It includes quotes on the importance of family home evening, sample lesson plans, activities, and tips for success. The site also offers links to hymns and pictures which can be used to enhance the family night experience.

Mormons consider families to be the basic unit of God’s plan for the world. They teach that families are forever, continuing even after death, and so they must be a priority in this life to make them eternity-worthy. Family home evenings are a key to building the kind of family that will want to be together forever.

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World.)

Mormons hold Family Home Evenings once a week, usually on Monday evenings. During this meeting, they share gospel principles and values with their children and enjoy some fun activities. It allows parents a specific time to explain what they believe and why and to allow the children to also teach their religion.

Mormon Family Home Evenings are easily adapted to other religions. The basic pattern will fit for any religious faith and then the specifics can be adapted to meet your own needs.

Family Home Evenings begin with a  hymn and a prayer. This is followed by a short lesson—fifteen to thirty minutes-on a religious teaching, a family issue, or something else the parents wish to have taught. For example, a family might have one lesson on serving others the way Jesus served, another on preparing for emergencies, and a third week on the importance of helping out at home. The lesson includes fun activities, songs, stories, and other interactive methods that allow each family member to participate and to learn in a pleasurable way. It is probably similar to the Sunday School lessons in your own church.

After the lesson, many families play games together or do a service project. They finish up with a special treat, another song (or perhaps a family sing-a-long) and a closing prayer.

Most families have each person prepare and carry out one part of the lesson. Assignments might include: giving the prayer, conducting the meeting, leading the music, playing the piano, teaching the lesson, planning the game, preparing the treat. Younger children are paired with a parent or older sibling so they can participate equally in the program. Even a three-year-old can give a lesson with a little help. This helps the children develop public speaking skills, leadership, teaching skills, music skills, and other important skills they will need throughout their lives.

The lessons on the website are meant for Mormons, but many are easily adaptable to your own religions. Simply read through them and substitute wherever a teaching or activity is different from one appropriate to your beliefs. The lessons are merely suggestions. There are lists of other lesson ideas on the site as well. Some lesson topics include: Music, gratitude, and Life and Teachings of Christ. A lesson that is very accessible to people of most Christian faiths, and which can be taught with minimal adaptation, is Jesus is My Example. This lesson uses only scriptures from the Bible and teaches very basic Christian principles.

The activities section of the website offers ideas for fun things to do as a family during family nights or everyday life. The Family Unity section has ideas for family reunions by mail (or email today.) The Learning Activities section has ideas for making chores more fun and for travel games to make family outings more successful. Have you ever put on a family play? This section can make all sorts of fun and learning activities more interesting to carry out.

Be sure to check out the other Family Home Evening lessons on this website. The lessons are generally non-denominational in nature and can help you get started learning to create fun family nights.