Young people want a life that is filled with fun and excitement, but often those activities have no lasting value. In this family night lesson, you’ll help your family develop a life that balances pleasure with joy that comes from meaningful activities.
Set out a small jar and give each person items to place in it, such as beans. Each person should also receive some larger items that are different from the primary objects. For instance, if you used beans for the main item, you might include some cookies for contrast. Provide enough of the beans to almost entirely fill the jar. There should be room for only one or two cookies.
Ask the family to take turns dropping a handful of their items into the jar. Give no further instructions. Presumably, they will include some of the cookies (if they don’t, you should) so everything won’t fit. Tell them they lost the game. Dump out the jar and admit you neglected to tell them how to win the game. The goal of the game is to get all the beans into the jar but only as many cookies as they still have room for after the beans are in the jar. This time, they should be able to complete the task and will most likely put the beans in before starting on the cookies. Reward them with the cookies. Ask them why they were able to win the game this time. They won because they knew the goal, and started with what was important.
Explain that our lives are like this game. If we plan and balance our lives, there is room for everything that needs to be there. However, if we put in too many unimportant things, the plan falls apart and we aren’t successful.
Share with them this quote and discuss it:
The youth who seeks constantly for a thrill in his pleasures is following a dangerous road. He is hunting for the “rapture of the moment” and in so doing he may “lose the peace of years.” Tell me what you do when you don’t have to do anything and I’ll tell you what you are.
(Harold B. Lee, Decisions for Successful Living [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1973], 159.)
Give each person a sheet of paper with three columns. Younger children should be given three sheets of paper and instructed to draw these items.
Ask each person to name or write the things they must do each day in one column. Then have them start a new column of things they don’t have to do, but that are meaningful, such as taking music lessons or volunteering somewhere. In the third column, have them list things they like to do that have no redeeming value (most video games and television programs, for instance.)
Ask them to create a sample day by choosing activities from these lists. They aren’t making a schedule, just a list of things to include. You could do an entire week if you have teens. Remind them that in scheduling, balance doesn’t mean we have the exact same amount of time spent on each column. The things we have to do nearly always take more time than the others, and we also want to spend more time on optional things of value. The activities of the smallest value should occupy the smallest space on the schedule. A balanced life is one that is largely meaningful, but has fun activities in it as well.
As they work on their plans, help them note that many things we have to do or that have meaning are also pleasurable. Meaningless activities are not the only way to have fun. For instance, sports can be both fun and healthy.
Once they’ve put together a good balance, ask where the items of each group belong. Unless something has a set time, we should first do what we have to do, then do the meaningful things we’ve chosen, and finally, spend a small amount of time on things that are just fun if we choose to do so. Those activities, however, are for those moments when we’ve completed all the meaningful activities first. They will be more fun if the necessary tasks are not waiting undone. Invite them to begin a schedule that includes all necessary items, many meaningful but optional activities, and a few just-for-fun activities. This can be completed later on if desired.
Ask the family what their home would be like if everyone did only what they wanted to do and nothing else. Make sure they’re aware of things their parents do that they don’t really notice. Show them a list of necessary tasks members of the family do, such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and helping with homework. What would happen if no one did any of those things? A home runs more smoothly when all the necessary tasks get done. This makes everyone’s life is more pleasant.
Give older family members this handout:
Here are three strategies to put life into balance and to find pleasure in living life to its fullest:
1. Set our priorities in order.
- Know the difference—Let us understand the difference between gratification on the one hand and joy (or wholesome pleasure) on the other. Gratification is fleeting and ephemeral; joy is enduring. Gratification is of the surface; joy is of the soul. Gratification is self-oriented; joy is others-oriented and depends on enduring and warm relationships. Gratification relates to appetite; joy relates to service. Gratification is titillating; joy is nourishing.
- Put things into perspective—We feed the body in order to live, but we feed the soul in order to live well. We attend to the needs of the moment, but at the same time, we set our long-range goals on lasting values of harmony, peace, and joy.
- Look for joy in life—The little “pleasures” of life—a hearty meal together with family or friends, a beautiful sunset, a moment of peace, endearing time together with your spouse, even caring tenderly for a pet—these are really joys in disguise.
- Test the outcomes—We can tell the difference readily between a gratification and a joy: when it ends, leaving only hunger and often remorse, then it was gratification; when it ends, and there remains a happy memory and hope for its return, then it was an instance of joy (wholesome pleasure). “Pleasure is frail like a dewdrop; while it laughs it dies,” said Rabindranath Tagore.
- Align ourselves with gospel principles—Let us anchor ourselves in the Lord Jesus Christ and the rock of His enduring principles and thereby secure for ourselves a life of joy—no matter what happens.
2. Go through an honest reality check of your life.
- Check the symptoms—What are the symptoms of a pleasure-seeking personality? One who savors the quest for endless variety, and one who thrives on the ceaseless flux of shifting fads, fancies, and flavors. “You can’t live on amusement. It is the froth on water, an inch deep, and then the mud,” counseled George Macdonald. “There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it,” warned the poet Ovid.
- Check more symptoms—What are the symptoms of a joy-seeking personality? One who savors enduring relationships, harmony, balance, peace, and the quest to honor and abide by enduring principles and values.
- Check our time—Where do we spend our time: in activities that gratify, or activities that build relationships and contribute to harmony, balance, and peace?
- Check our vision and hearing—The selfish pleasure-seeker is too often blind to the vital needs of family, too often deaf to the whispers of loved ones who want only lasting relationships and enduring harmony and love.
3. Balance our life.
- Set the agenda with care—Let us seek wholesome, uplifting activities as a source of genuine pleasure.
- Adjust the perspective—Let us keep our perspective on life clear so that we can find pleasure in our service at Church, in the home, and at the workplace—as well as in our wholesome hobbies and avocations.
- Don’t forget wholesome fun—In balancing our life, let us plan for some anticipated activities that we truly enjoy. This adds to the excitement in life.
- Be creative—Let us be sure to have some fulfilling outlets for our free time—pleasurable and productive things to do (hobbies, service projects, etc.).
- Stay in charge—Let us never allow so-called pleasure-seeking to become our life. We can become seekers of joy through wholesome activities that contribute to a higher quality of life for ourselves and the others around us.
Be productive—Let us balance our activities in Church, at home, and in the workplace and community in such a way that we use our talents and time to bring about much good for the most people possible.
(Handout from and lesson based on: Ed J. Pinegar and Richard J. Allen, excerpted from a forthcoming book called, “What We Need to Know and Do.)
Finish the evening by playing games that require planning and choices.
